October 21, 2023

The Power of Connection: Find Your Midlife Magic

Find Your Midlife Magic

 

We recently had the privilege of hosting the "Find Your Midlife Magic” event, where over 100 women from across Yorkshire gathered at the beautiful Goldsborough Hall near Knaresborough. The day was a celebration, a frank discussion, and a whole lot of fun.

In a world where youth often take the spotlight, there’s a quiet revolution happening. It’s a movement of incredible women who are coming together to navigate the unique challenges they face in midlife and beyond. That’s why I love the instagram community which feels like being part of an army of strong and interesting women cheering one another on. But you can't beat one to one connections and live events.

Find Your Midlife Magic

A room full of women sharing their experiences, their wisdom, and their stories, shining a light on the 45-plus generation and how growing older impacts women. But it wasn’t just about personal growth; it was also about giving back. The event managed to raise an incredible £1,420 for the Little Princess Trust, an organization that provides real hair wigs for children who’ve lost their hair due to health conditions, such as cancer treatment.

Speakers tackled a wide range of topics, from society’s expectations of older women to mental and physical well-being, style, hair, and fashion. The diversity of discussions reflected the rich tapestry of experiences and challenges faced by midlife women.

The idea behind  “Find Your Midlife Magic” came from a place of friendship. Annie Stirk, Bernadette Gledhill, Christine Talbot, and myself  had often worked together over the years and were all experiencing the unique challenges of midlife, which we often shared over a coffee.. Annie and I had first met when we organised our Silver & Sassy event, another inspiring day dedicated to celebrating women with grey, white and silver hair. I would always leave feeling better from seeing them and that’s what friendship and women supporting women should be about.

Keeping it real with Gaynor Faye

One of the event’s highlights was when Emmerdale and Fat Friends star Gaynor Faye shared her journey publicly for the first time. She spoke to Christine about her life after the sudden loss of her mother, the acclaimed screen and stage writer Kay Mellor. Gaynor’s determination to continue her mother’s legacy and her directorial debut plans for the stage tour of The Syndicate were truly inspirational.

Gaynor Faye at the Find Your Midlife Magic

Midlife is often referred to as the “sandwich generation”, who find themselves “sandwiched” between the responsibilities of caring for aging parents or elderly relatives on one side and raising or providing support for their own children on the other. Older women, in particular, may be more commonly associated with the sandwich generation due to their roles as caregivers and nurturers. Lots of women could relate to Gaynor Faye’s honest conversation.

The power of sharing stories

Motivational speaker Lisa Clifford wowed the audience with her famous “arrow challenge,” campaigner Manraj Sanghera spoke about her life-changing experience following the loss of her son, and broadcaster and writer Dr. Jane Gilbert answered the audience’s health queries which went down well with the audience.

The event was a platform for sharing stories, challenges, and triumphs.

Find Your Midlife Magic

Midlife Magic Makeovers

Two lucky women, Becky Capstick from York, and Linda Thompson from Wakefield won a makeover competition organised by Fashion journalist Stephanie Smith at the Yorkshire Post, We had over 80 entries and it was so hard to choose, all with a common them of feeling invisible and a little lost later in life. With the help of celebrity stylist Andrew Barton and British Hairdresser of the Year Rob Eaton and the personal styling team at John Lewis in Leeds, they were transformed, gaining a new look and newfound confidence. Their stories were heart-warming, showcasing the power of transformation and self-belief. Seeing Becky and Linda bond together behind the scenes was really special and watching their confidence grow throughout the day was exactly what we’d hoped for.

Find Your Midlife Magic makeover winners Becky Capstick and Linda Thompson

Annie summed up our day beautifully, saying, “We feel we created something very special today. You could feel it in the room. Everything we did today was born out of our own strong friendship, which is something we really value, and it was wonderful to share that with so many lovely, fun, and empathetic women.”

The power of women supporting women

The event was indeed a magical day of friendship, inspiration, and love. It was a reminder that age is just a number, and midlife is not a hurdle but an opportunity to thrive. Find Your Midlife Magic was more than an event; it was a testament to the strength of connection and the importance of supporting one another on this incredible journey of life.

Find Your Midlife Magic was a great reminder that midlife is our time to shine, and together, we can create our own magic.

Come and follow our journey over on instagram @finyourmilifemagic  & Facebook 

Age is just a number, and in midlife, old is indeed bold.

Until the next one,

Keep being fabulous

Rachel x

Photography @Kate Mallender

August 24, 2023

My Sixties Have Been the Best Decade Ever.

Why mu sixties has been the best decade ever by Stella Fosse
Life after 60

When I was ten, I realized that I would still be alive for the year 2000. That was exciting for about a minute—until it dawned on me that by then I would be in my forties. “Never mind,” I thought, “that’s so old I might as well be dead.”

I was raised on a steady diet of Disney princesses (young, lovely, and passive) and Disney villains (evil, aggressive older women). So it is no wonder I internalised gendered ageism by an early age and took a long time to outgrow it. Turning forty was depressing. By fifty I began to see the ageism thing as a bit of a hype. And by sixty I was through my second divorce, had resumed dating and was writing erotica about Women of a Certain Age. My sixties have been the best decade ever.

The secret society of women over sixty

My children were grown, I was about to retire, and life was grand. I joined the secret society of women over sixty whose members enjoy more freedom than at any time in decades. It turns out retirement is rather like college—if college did not include homework or tests.

As I write, I’m on the edge of turning seventy: the perfect moment to reflect on why this decade of the sixties has been so great.

First, there is time.

Not everyone has the privilege of retirement. And some of us are caretakers of grandchildren or ill spouses or much older parents. But for many of us, including me, the children have flown from the nest and work diminishes or ends. Those of us who had to mount a pitched battle to take two weeks off per year now enjoy grand vistas of time. Did we envy the independently wealthy? Suddenly we possess the most important thing they have: Control of our time. It is like being let out of a cage.

Second, there is indifference.

Do you worry about what people think of you? Whether you are cool? Whether you are dressed for success? Do you walk the narrow line between feminine/passive and masculine/aggressive, seeking the perfect level of assertiveness? In my sixties, I achieved the quasi-nirvana of not giving a flying fig.

Third, there is a new level of self-care.

I go for a long walk every day. I lift weights, I dance in my nightgown, I read all the books on my TBR list, and I volunteer for projects that are near and dear to me. And, equally important for self-care, I keep an Anti-Bucket List of things I am no longer willing to do. Top of the list: No high heels ever again.

 Fourth, there is romance and sexuality.

Contrary to how we are socialized, we can just keep going as long as we like. As Maggie Kuhn, founder of the Gray Panthers, once said, “Learning and sex until rigor mortis.” When we date in our sixties we may end up kissing several frogs before finding a prince; yet it is definitely a worthwhile endeavor. I was 62 when I met my terrific partner through an online dating site. I recommend Joan Price’s book, Naked at Our Age, for more on this topic.

Fifth, there is the return to creativity.

 I set aside my passionate desire to write books when I became a full-time worker and a mother. I’m not alone; many of us turn away from the creative joys of our youth when we grow up. Even when we have time, it’s easy to judge ourselves about the pastimes that bring us joy—as if play needed to meet a certain standard. Making peace with our Inner Critic is one of the key developmental tasks of our sixties.

As I write my own fiction and teach workshops about playful writing, I see women reclaim ourselves through creativity. It’s the most magical gift of my sixties. By following our passions—whether writing or painting or learning about dinosaurs—we  fully inhabit our vivid lives, which are completely different than the stereotype of women in our sixties. And when we share our creativity, through publication, through showing our paintings in galleries, we push back on the negative social narrative about women our age.

 Savour each day for the privilege it is.

My sixties have been a grand adventure, and I treasure every memory of this marvellous decade. How much longer the ride will last is impossible to know, but I plan to live in joy as long as I can. My resolution as I transition to my seventies is to savor each day for the privilege it is.

Written by Stella Fosse

https://www.instagram.com/stella.fosse/

https://www.facebook.com/StellaFosseAuthor/

https://www.linkedin.com/in/StellaFosse/

 

August 3, 2023

The Autistic Joyologist – You Are Limitless

By Nikki Butler, The Autistic Joyologist.  

An autism and ADHD diagnosis at 45 and major spinal surgery 12 months ago that resulted in permanent nerve damage, has led me to rethink and realign my life and launch The Autistic Joyologist.

I had a complete career change at 40, after what I now know was an autistic and ADHD burnout at 36, causing me to leave my legal management career behind. I entered the world of entrepreneurship at 37 and have been running a multi-award winning business for the last 7.5 years. An autism and ADHD diagnosis at 45 and major spinal surgery 12 months ago that resulted in permanent nerve damage, has led me to rethink and realign my life and launch The Autistic Joyologist.

The beauty of doing this in my 40’s, and with my autism and ADHD diagnosis, is having the confidence and clarity to be able to create a life that is fulfilling and successful on MY terms.

When life simultaneously makes sense and falls apart -

Being diagnosed as autistic ADHD in my mid 40’s was life changing. On the one hand, my entire life started to make sense. On the other hand, it was like someone had thrown a grenade into the middle of my life, leaving me bewildered and shaken. Realising that my life was not exactly supporting my neurodivergent self - I was like a rabbit in the headlights.

As I processed my diagnosis I rode a rollercoaster of emotions. I felt angry, sad, confused and resentful that nobody had noticed sooner. But, I also felt immense self compassion, pride and hope. The latter won, I am pleased to say!

My spinal surgery, whilst removing the risk of paralysis I’d been faced with, left me with permanent nerve damage. Living in chronic pain and running a skin and scar clinic were not a match made in heaven, and I was only able to return to work part time.

The gift of space and grace -

I’ve always felt the Universe gives me a little nudge (or big shove!) when I need to make changes in my life. I decided to see this time as an opportunity to reflect on my life, and make new choices to support my neurodivergent self. I reflected, I researched and tried to find ways to make changes to my working life that would better support me, but I hit panic mode. I’d created an outwardly successful life, but inwardly I lived in a state of panic and overwhelm. I didn’t know how to change my life, and all the resources available didn’t seem to have the answers.

Reconnecting with myself -

When I left corporate life, I’d spent a lot of time connecting to my core values and dreams. I revisited those audiobooks, and I started again.

As I listened, I realised in horror that I had not been living my life by my core values at all. I had spent my life being a prolific people pleaser and assessing my worth on how much use I’d been to others.  From that moment, I decided that my life would be centred around my values. I would live them each day, and build a life that allowed me to thrive and be successful on my own terms.

RADIATE  -

As I aligned my life and made the changes, I felt immense inner peace. I was recalibrating. I didn’t want to lose this feeling, or be drawn back into living up to societal expectations of success.  And my RADIATE model was born! I created a model that I can use to stay connected to my values, play to my strengths, advocate for myself and create clear boundaries - all to set me up for a thriving and successful life, on MY terms! I’ve used it to transform my whole life, step by step, and I use it to stay connected and in alignment.

Sharing is caring -

Feeling the calmest and happiest I’ve ever felt, I knew I wanted to share this with other women like me. Other women who wish their life could be different, but feel like it’s too late to make changes, too late to lead a life that they actually enjoy.  And so I stepped out as ‘The Autistic Joyologist’, supporting others to thrive and shine, as their true authentic selves. It feels so special to be sharing my RADIATE programme, because I know how much it’s enabled me to transform my life.  It’s exciting to be able to share that with other women, too.

Being bold, brave, and seen! -

The truth is, The Autistic Joyologist is on a mission! As late diagnosed women, we are transforming our own lives, so we can lead fulfilling and happy lives, but we are blazing a trail of glory for our younger generations of autistic ADHD girls. Smashing apart outdated stereotypes and creating a brighter and happier future for those that follow in our footsteps.  It’s never too late to create a life that lights you up, and enables you to be your beautiful, brilliant and authentic self!

To find out more about me please visit, The Autistic Joyologist - https://www.autisticjoyologist.co.uk/ or connect with me via  Nikki Butler - The Autistic Joyologist (@autisticjoyologist) and   Facebook

July 27, 2023

Grey and Divorcing?  You’re in Good Company!

I do

When you walked down the aisle and vowed to “love, honor and cherish” you could not envision the day would come when you would be facing divorce.  (It is noteworthy that we once vowed to “love, honor, and obey” but after centuries of smirks and downright refusal, “cherish” replaced “obey” as the transitive verb of choice.)

Sure, as you said, “I Do,” you knew there would be hardships and hurdles, but you truly believed there was nothing the two of you couldn’t overcome.

Then Life Happened…

Career conflicts, mortgage payments, kids and their countless accouterment, college funds to fill and aging parents to care for, not to mention menopause.  You’re not quite sure when you stopped being you, but you woke up one morning, looked in the mirror and didn’t recognize yourself.  Yeah, maybe there was a hint of that hopeful girl in your face, but you had no idea who the rest of it belonged to, including the man you married.

Or, maybe it was your spouse who first lost sight of his wife, as way too many tend to do.  Either way, like it or not, ready or not, here it comes; you have to navigate the daunting landscape of divorce.

Over 50 and facing divorce

If you’re 50 or older and facing divorce, you are not alone.  You’re in good company.  You are in such good company that the company has its own name, “Gray Divorce.”  It’s a reflection of the coveted hair colour we now naturally wear.  The colour we embrace along with our imperfections.  At last, we’re recognizing our “flaw-some-ness.” (Definition: flawed, but nonetheless awesome.)

Divorce Facts…

While the overall divorce rate in the United States is declining, the divorce rate for people over 50 has roughly doubled since 1996, with women now initiating approximately 69% of divorces.

While the overall divorce rate in the United Kingdom has declined in the last 20 years, the cumulative percentage of marriages ending in divorce by their 25th wedding anniversary has increased over time, with women initiating the majority of divorces.

Countless articles spout the “challenges” of grey divorce:  the division of marital assets, the pensions, the 401(k)s, the IRAs.  The potential decline in the quality of life for the wife.

As a divorced baby boomer whose life purpose is to help women (and a few good men) plan for their financial futures by first helping them navigate the daunting landscape of divorce, I’m here to pose some commonsense questions:

  • When has divorce NOT been a challenge, especially for women?
  • When, since 1971 (in the US), have marital assets NOT been divided?  The retirement accounts NOT been split?
  • When have women’s lives NOT been more negatively impacted by divorce than men’s lives?

The underlying message in many of these articles is, “Oh, beware, little lady!  You may not have it so good if you go through with this.” Or, worse, “Do you really have it all that bad?”

YOU Know What Is Best For YOU…

Makes you want to spit a nail, doesn’t it?  Fight the fury, dear friend.

Instead, find a new tribe; a tribe who encourages you to dance your own dance and sing your own song.  While clearly many things have changed for the better for women, there will always be those who think they know best.  When you encounter these clods who still believe YOU don’t know what’s best for YOU, do what I do: The Big Eye Roll.  Granted, I do it so often, that one day I’m afraid I’m going to eye roll myself into another universe, but it’s a risk I gladly take.

My takeaway in this?  If, dear friend, the rate in which people over 50 are divorcing is increasing and women initiate the majority of divorces, then this tells me that women are weighing their options and believe the challenges they must overcome for their fresh start are well worth it!

I’m here to help.

Wishing you peace & plenty!

Your grey girlfriend

Signiture

by Amy Lawson, MBA, CDFA®, RTTP®, C. Hyp

Instagram @graygirlfriendsguidetodovorce

Further reading -

The Gray Girlfriend's Guide to Divorce: Leave Without Losing Your Money, Your Mind, or Your Magic P

 

July 12, 2023

Believe in Butterflies! (Or: The Evolution of the Self)


I’m not alone in all of this, or am I?

The stories around midlife are becoming more and diverse. I like reading them! I like the information I get, the tips and hacks to help you get through, the comfort of finding out that the ghosts haunting me are quite common and normal for this time in life, this uplifting feeling from hearing or reading about personal success, and most of all the assurance that I’m not alone in all this. Or am I?

I'm very lucky in that I’ve hardly had any age-related physical problems (yet). Some bloating, swollen ankles, sometimes a bit of breathlessness, dryness in certain places and incontinence -I'm familiar with them, but most of them are under control.

Battling the Dementors

However, I'm battling Dementors! I've been struggling with mood swings, dark moods, a feeling of hopelessness. My family is amazing! My husband just gets on with things, leaves me to it and loves me the way I am, sometimes teases me, that I'm always angry anyway (so basically. I'm the Hulk!). My teenage, young adult, sons have been going through hormonal changes themselves, so they sort of know what's going on.

Work Life

My issue is the other big part of my life: WORK! When I'd finished school, my dad told me that I could study anything I liked, but not arts - the one thing that I've always wanted to do! He thought there was no money in arts. So instead, I studied social work, because I felt (and others told me) that I was "good with people". But later, after a couple of jobs, I decided that what I really wanted to do, was to work with children - and so I did.

First in my native Germany with 3 - 6-year-olds, then I had my own children and moved to England. I consider myself very lucky, as I was able to stay at home with my children until they had nearly finished primary school before I had to go back to work to contribute to our income.  I continued where I'd left off: started with childminding from home, then started working in a nursery –  SNAP! The trap closed!

I like being in control.

This job is my personal mirror that has helped me to find out who really am, in a rather harsh way. Midlife has changed me: I'm not as patient as I used to be, neither as tolerant nor empathetic with others. My mood swings caused a lot of inner frustration, anger, and irritation, then frustration with myself for not being able to control those feelings. (Ahhh, CONTROL! I like being in control)

Knowledge is Power

I was becoming aware that all of these were quite common signs of menopause, and on the background that my niece was developing an app supporting women through menopause. I started asking a lot of questions, I've been reading a lot about the various symptoms, picking up tips, tricks, hacks, and exercises to cope with them. I read up on midlife in general, how it changes women and their way of thinking about themselves, researched different personality types and trades to find out mine, and learned more and more about myself.

So, who am I?

First: I'm a true introvert. I’ve always been happy in my own company, having just a few close friends, and enjoying going to clubs and parties, but usually making sure that I could leave whenever I wanted. I remember leaving family gatherings without an explanation, to go for a walk-in solitude, before returning, ready for another dose of social interaction. When I became a mum, I struggled with having to be completely devoted to these little creatures that now depended on me, with my husband at work and no social network, in a foreign country, having nowhere in space or time to escape to.

Facing the hormonal rollercoaster

So why on earth would I go back into childcare? To generate income - it was what I knew! At least these children would go back to their parents at the end of the day, right? Little did I know then, how the experiences from work would still spin round and round in my head at home in my supposed safe place, causing me to snap at my kids thereby generating mum guilt to add to the load. The hormonal rollercoaster made what had once been a hard but enjoyable joy unbearable.

Everything has since felt intensified: the noise of the children, the "feel good" music in the background. the structure and pace of daily routines. some people's voices. the brightness of the lights. I tried my best to block out what wasn't needed, and to concentrate on one child or a small group at a time,  which led to me missing announcements or when colleagues were talking to me. Sometimes, I couldn't even listen to someone who was talking to my face; I would stare at them in concentration. but somehow the words didn't reach my brain. I went for a hearing test, but everything was fine.

Building a mental health toolkit

So, I decided that it must be the mental effects of menopause and started to establish a daily routine: some mild exercise, a walk with the dog in the morning. Practising mindfulness during my dinner breaks, changing my diet (less caffeine, less alcohol, more plant-based food).

I'd write my gratitude journal , after work on the couch (while binge eating sweets, chocolates, and crisps) before falling asleep in front of the television. The things outside the last brackets have become an invaluable help on my journey!

They are some of the tools in my mental health toolbox.

Exploring the medical route

I also tried the medical route. This resulted in one Dr prescribing me anti-depressants over the phone, because I had confirmed to sometimes having "dark thoughts".

I had been asking about a blood test to check my hormone levels, but he just told me "Well, why check them? We already know that your hormone levels are low!". I did pick up the pills, but I never took them. This was not my way of dealing with my problems! The next GP, this time face to face about a year later, had me trying hormone patches, based on what I had told her about the way I was feeling. I stopped using them, because they didn't feel right either (I felt empty, and I started bleeding again, which I'd stopped about two and a half years earlier). However, these experiences were my eye opener!

I am not ill, I don’t need fixing, I’m absolutely fine!

Using my mental health tool kit and the app and following different life coaches and other amazing people on social media. Reading their stories, posts, and lots of empowering quotes, helped established one thing: I am not ill, I don't need fixing, I'm absolutely fine!

I am an introvert and work best on my own; I work best when I'm not being rushed, left to do things at my own pace (slowly but thoroughly); I work with passion when I'm following my own ideas; I am creative, a maker; I'm strong headed, independent, and determined - That's me!

Falling down the comparison trap

That's not bad material for a self-employed power woman, right? So, why am I not?

And now comes the part that I don't really want to write about, because it makes me feel weak, makes me feel like I'm making excuses, makes me feel Inadequate: first, I want financial security! Then, because my job is too fast paced for me, too full of sensual experiences, of changes and things out of my control, too intensely filled with social interaction, I desperately need winding down time. When I'm at work, I use my toolbox to keep my head over water, but it's at home, where I recharge my batteries. That takes time!

Then, I need time to do fun things and be creative. Can you hear my voice go quieter? Because now, my inner life coach is telling me "Well, if you want to get out of this job, you need to do something about it! No pain, no gain!" And I whisper "Yeah, but if I prepare for self-employment, it'll be another thing on my To Do list, another chore! ... and I don't even know which way to go..." and then I shut up, lost, and confused, comparing myself to all these amazing and interesting power women I'm reading about and meeting online; wondering, where I fit in. This is also me!

The chrysalis inside the cocoon!

Who I really am is the chrysalis inside the cocoon!

I am leaving my caterpillar life behind and slowly transforming, in my own time. I'm chaos, inside, not really knowing where I'II be going or what's going on, but not sleeping or standing still. I'm not sure when I’ll hatch, but I'm busy creating, trying new things, meeting new people, and growing ... into a beautiful butterfly!

I believe in Love, Life,

and the Evolution of the Self!

Words by Claudia Stringfellow

Instagram-@claudia.stringfellow 

Facebook- @claudiastringfellow

June 28, 2023

Where do I go from here, where do I start?

A Blog by Zoe Davis

How do I retake control?

I’ve honestly no idea.  Life has been like a constant rollercoaster ever since I can remember and the one thing I always assumed I could control was my own mind, body & soul.  How wrong was I?

You see life has this way of testing you and it happens in the least expected places at the least expected times. It can knock you for six, throw you to your knees or it can fester deep within you until it rockets out of you in this huge explosion of emotions that you can no longer control.

Sweep it under the carpet

As a child growing up, I learnt the ultimate trick of the trade; how to sweep things under the carpet.  I thought it was brillant.  Don’t want to deal with it? Sweep it under the carpet.  Can I pretend it never happened? Sweep it under that carpet.  Can’t control that, sweep it under the carpet.  Eventually I realised I didn’t have a big enough carpet. No amount of sweeping was going to get all of what happened to me under that little rug, because that’s in fact what it was, a rug.  A rug I so swiftly pulled out from under myself when I decided to do that work on myself.

You see, when you start to work on yourself you start to pull those things out from under that carpet or rug in my case.  You start to unpick all those long hidden things that you pretended weren’t happening, didn’t know how to control, didn’t want to deal with……every ounce of you comes falling out from that carpet till eventually it unravels.  Sometimes unravelling at such a pace your feet don’t touch the ground and overwhelm and darkness is so great you wonder which part to look at next.  Other times it takes a while and then you feel the pieces drop into place.  A journey of healing and finally exploring who you are is a Never Ending Story, cliche I know but true.

You start to realise it is quite easy to lose control of many parts of you to fit into society, work, family, friends and social circles.  It takes courage to step out and breathe.  To admit and to feel the love of who you are.

Who is Zoe?

I am Zoe I am in my early 40’s and it is only now, with many other beautiful humans that I have started to really unpick my life and work on those secret sweeping activities that I had learnt to do from a young age.  A glimpse of my life…

I grew up in what was referred to as a “broken” home.  Parents separated & remarried.  My shoulders carried the secrets and arguments of the past between generations.  My childhood was not all smiles & laughter.  I quickly understood how to be hyper vigilant in many situations, suppress my anxiety, show my anger in all the wrong ways, pretend things hadn’t happen, cover things up….I also understood that the one thing I could control was my body.

 Bullying as a teen in school with severe acne, one of the first to start periods (horrendous ones at that) & braces, all this had pushed me to some dark places, I realised the one thing I could control was my body.  I smoked to suppress the need to eat, I ate barely anything in the day and would only eat my evening meal at the family table to avoid anyone knowing.  I would often pretend I had made a packed lunch for school taking nothing but a packet of crisps at a push.  If I did eat it would be comfort style chocolate, crisps etc.

Burying my head in the sand

As I hit my 20’s I was told by a doctor if I wanted a baby I would need to pile on the weight as at 5ft 6 and 7 and half stone my body was struggling.  I had to change, yet my partner at the time didn’t like it, what if I lost my pert boobs & arse.  Not a look he was in favour of.  I put some weight on and did become pregnant.  Yet pregnancies for me weren’t great.

My first pregnancy saw me pile on the weight.  I hid and swept all my feelings under that already stuffed rug.  I struggled with my weight after and my health as a woman with my periods. 10 years later when I had my second baby I realised I had piled on more weight but couldn’t shift it and during my 2nd pregnancy I had busted my leg so mobility was limited.  I used all these as excuses & buried my head in that ostrich hole in the ground called shame.  I continued to sweep everything under the carpet including me problematic periods and post natal depression and my overwhelming past.  It was a chance encounter with a therapist when my baby was 6 weeks old that ignited that moment when I knew but still fought it for a while, I need to start to unpick and unravel that rug…..that was 7 years ago.

Acceptance of me, just as I am

Since then I’ve learnt a lot about myself, my relationships, boundaries too. I’ve also discovered how to thank and accept my body for what it is, what it can do for me, how it looks & how it feels.  My body no longer has pert boobs or rear end.  I am no longer a size 8 in clothing more like a size 20/22 give or take.  I have a man that appreciates me & my body too.

I am different because I can see how my body has changed & worked with me through teen life, two pregnancies, miscarriages, endometriosis, post natal depression, hysterectomy, car accident, stair accident and much more.  I am 41 and now I appreciate my body and accept it more.  I’m not going to say I love it entirely as we all have moments we wish things were better.  Yet I will say I have a great deal of gratitude for my body, my mind & my soul.  I feel more worthy to walk this earth than I have done for many years.

My rug, the new one is slowly being weaved.  This however hides nothing under it.

This is now my magic rug that will take me where I want to be. Dream the biggest dreams & live life no longer in secret or darkness.

Dream the biggest dreams &

no longer live your life in secret or darkness

Zoe Davis

www.madcowlife.com

You can find Zoe on Instagram @madcowlife

 

 

 

 

March 22, 2022

How long does it take before you begin to feel like you belong in your own skin?

 

by Alison Bale

Once upon a time there lived a little girl who did not like being told what to do. And did not feel she fitted in.

To find where she does fit in has taken many years, four career changes, and one change of continent.

How long does it take before you begin to feel like you belong in your own skin? Mid fifties for me. But I get ahead of myself, so let’s fast backwards 25 years.

To a world I barely recognize as I write.

I used to be the woman on the 6am train, putting on her make up on her way to a consulting job in London. I started in publishing, morphed into communication consulting, and now had a job in the city, with a red sports car and a house in the home counties.

But I wasn’t happy. The crux was that the team I’d joined was based 30 minutes from my house. Then we were moved, and the commute became two hours each way. And I wasn’t enjoying the job. What to do?

I only appreciated with hindsight that moving me to London was the best thing the company could have done. It made me so uncomfortable, it forced me to consider what I did want, and make changes.

Specifically, it gave me the impetus to accept I might have to retrain, and I gave myself a deadline – decide what I wanted to do and get it done by the time I was 40. And as if by magic, I chanced across an article about chiropractic for horses.

When I applied, it was as though everything I’d done in my life, from aged 7 onwards (when I started horse riding), had been about being on the road to being here. The poet David Whyte writes that when we look back on our journey, it’s as though the only way we could have traveled was the way we had come. It certainly felt like that.

But retraining as an adult is a huge leap. I had to go freelance from my job – giving up the regular salary when I was the name on the mortgage and was about to get married (I don’t do things by halves). The funny thing is, I discovered that when you commit to a ‘leap of faith’, the universe moves to support you. I’d been asked to have lunch with a former colleague, who’d gone into PR. I still remember sitting opposite her as she said she had a magazine contract to fulfil and asked if I knew any good editors. ‘I’m going freelance tomorrow – will I do?’

Working for myself suited me and somehow the work kept flowing. And the changes in me had a ripple out effect for my husband, who decided he would train in therapy, too. And found a job he loved and has stuck with longer than any other job he’s had. Another lesson, the things you do can have beneficial consequences for others.

But I digress, four years study and I was a human chiropractor, so onwards to the animal course. Well yes, except I didn’t enjoy the animal work when I finally got to it. Strange that the thing that got me onto the path was not what I wanted when I got there. But that was OK, because I love the human work.

That should have been enough big change, eh? But no. Have you ever had a sense that you must do something, and that however risky, if you do not act, you’ll regret it the rest of your life?

In a nutshell, that’s how I came to move to India. I arrived intending to stay three years then go home. That was in 2006! The roller coaster of the last 15 years has seen lots of travel, and lots of work offering chiropractic care to a population with almost no access to it (eight chiropractors for a population of 1.4 billion.

It has been a much more challenging experience than I could have envisaged. India is a very different culture to the one I grew up in – much more chaotic – and I have changed as a result. I used to be an arch planner – less so now.

I’ve gone through peri-menopause and into menopause in India, and with it has come quite a radical change of thinking. For a while I fell out of love with chiropractic. Combination of joint pain, hot flashes, poor sleep, brain fog – none of which help you show up as your best for other people who are in pain.

But there was also a sense that I wanted to do more – specifically move away from a passive intervention towards one that gave people more control over their own minds and bodies. So, in my latest incarnation, I’m teaching mindfulness. And looking to return to the UK.

There’s a lot of talk today about ‘knowing your why’. Mine is ‘leave this world a better place than I found it’. Once you know your ‘why’, I think you can get through anything to deliver it. But I also think how you deliver it can change over time.

I’m ready for my next adventure, my next challenge. I love learning and growing, and am excited to see where the next version of me goes from her.

I’ll close by returning to the poet David Whyte, who says that

"The person who sets out on a journey, the person seeking, is not the person who arrives "

That’s very much true of me.

#midlifewomen #sharingstories #outofthebubble #lifeafter40 #inspiringwomen #personaljournals #stepoutofthebubble #midlifeblog

 

 

 

 

 

February 14, 2021

Stepping Liberte Free to Be with the ‘Queen of podcasting’ Anna Parker Naples

Liberte Free to Be with Anna Parker Naples

Anna is a global bestselling author of ‘Podcasting with Impact’ and ‘Get Visible’, both books of which I can highly recommend. She's also the host of an no.1 international podcast ‘Entrepreneurs Get Visible’. Anna has developed a real passion for helping ambitious entrepreneurs and coaches get seen and heard.

Out-of-the-Bubble-podcast-with-podcast-queen-Anna-Parker-Naples

Who is Anna Parker Naples?

Good afternoon, Anna. Thank you so much for joining me. I feel slightly under pressure today because I do have you on the pedestal of podcast Queen.

So, no pressure. I didn't give myself the acronym, that title, but it definitely works to help kind of position yourself in a field. I didn't ever set out to help people with podcasting. It's just one of those wonderful things that's unfolded as I've uncovered the things that I'm really good at.

You have had quite a journey, which I'm really looking forward to sharing today for people that don't know you. How do you describe and Introduce yourself?

I help ambitious driven entrepreneurs who feel that they have an important message to share, work out how to be heard and get more visible.

The being heard part is about helping you to have a podcast that's a powerful front end for your business. The get visible part is about how you pull together all of the authority pieces so that someone might see you on social media. They might read your email. They might come across you because you've written a book.

How do you pull all of that together so that you can have greater impact and influence on people so that we can affect more change? So that's the kind of really long title, but I help people impact different people. Purpose driven people to reach more ears. I love that this is what someone wants to try to do with the podcast and encourage people to find their passion and purpose.

The Journey to Success

You’ve definitely found your passion and purpose, but it has been quite a journey hasn't it?

Let's take a few steps back to how this all started.

Right now, Rachel is looking at me and I'm sitting in what looks like a very posh, proper recording studio. I've got all of the padding on the walls. I've got a very posh microphone and what I'm actually sitting in is in the center of my house, in what used to be a long time ago my airing cupboard. This airing cupboard actually has a lot of meaning for me.

If I take you back about 11 or 12 years ago in my final pregnancy. When I was pregnant with my son, I suffered some complications and they told me to expect that I would never walk again.

That's pretty devastating, but I had three very young children, a newborn on the way.  I had always expected that after I had this third child, I would return to acting and stage, which is what I’d been doing before my pre-children life. I felt that everything had been snatched away from me.

I was massively resentful, bitter, fairly twisted and in a really, really dark. I have a natural exuberance and a natural energy, so for me to go down for me to go down that far and hit that hard. It was quite shocking for people around me, but I always, even then, when I was really dark and depressed, I still felt a responsibility to put a bright face on it.

My bright face actually was full of bitterness. You know, the jokes we make about ourselves, the things we try to lighten with humour that actually are really just quite depressing and sad. I basically got to a point where I knew I had to do something about it.

Overcoming life changing hurdles

I went to see a hypnotherapist, who was also a neuro-linguistic programming professional NLP.

It was my first kind of experience into the whole world of mindset and personal development. That day, that decision to go there in my wheelchair at a point where I hardly ever left my bed helped me suddenly realize that there was way more to me, there was possibility, there was future.

It started a massive, massive journey for me.

I’ve heard you say that it was your positive mindset that really helped you change physically.

 What I want to say. It's not just positive mindset, as in, I'm just going to pretend everything's happy.

That's not actually positive mindset for me. It was about undoing a lot of the damage that I was doing to myself over and over again with the things I was saying about myself. I came to realize that, and this didn't just happen in one session. This was a period of unraveling things I had been telling myself for a long time.

There were things I couldn't do because I was now a mum that I couldn't be an actor and be a good mum. I couldn't be a good mum and make money I could. And on and on and on these justifications for why I'd left my acting career behind five years earlier that were full of. I mean, to be honest, it was just rubbish, but where had those limiting beliefs come from?

The unthinkable

To then be in this situation where, well, what if I never walk again? I can't have that life that I thought I was going to go back to. But realizing its kind of more than that. So then starting to tap into, well, as an actor, what did I, what did I really want? What was that all about?

He said to me, well, what would happen if you could be globally recognized for your work and earn great money and be at home with the kids and be disabled, what would that look like? I just remember saying to him, well, that's not possible. He said, well, what if it was? What if over the next month you thought about how it was possible?

It was like something just shifted in my brain from this door being completely closed to all of a sudden there's all of these opportunities and the opportunities that came up for me, whether I could work from home as a voiceover artist, initially doing commercials, and then later specializing in radio drama and audio books and video games.

The Road to Recovery

I started on that path quite quickly from bed learning how to edit, I'm not a techno geek. I don't love all of that stuff, but I learnt it all because I had to, to get my voice out there. I ended up becoming one of the UKs leading British voice actors and going on to be a finalist in Hollywood, seven times with the best of the best.

I was fully recovered, and I really believe the reason I recovered was because I changed how I felt about myself.

Changed how I felt about myself and by throwing myself into something which was audio, where I could express myself. Alongside this I trained and became a master NLP practitioner, and I had this massive breakthrough, a kind of awakening moment as I was completing that training. It coincided with my final award in Hollywood, where I'm standing on the red carpet in Hollywood, in a pair of heels, the most glamorous I've ever been within six years. In that moment when I’d thought it was all over and I felt in that moment, Rachel, I have to get this out there. I don't know what it looks like, but I have to reach other people like me, who somewhere deep inside of them thinks and know on some level they're supposed to be doing something more and show them that it's possible.

Dealing with Limiting Beliefs

It's amazing. During that time, did you struggle with imposter syndrome because you were reaching these highs of getting all these accolades in quite short space of time?

I absolutely felt like I could own it.

It's such a huge thing and what we uncovered from going back into some quite traumatic things that happened in my early years when I was 16, I was brutally attacked by a gang of girls and it was arranged by my best friends. So that sense of not being able to speak up, I told my truth.

I told my version of the truth, and then this awful thing happened to me. I had to have surgery on my face and all sorts. At that point I had kind of limited myself.

It's understandable why I did that, but I'd been limiting myself. I think once you realize those limiting beliefs you've created; you can then do anything.

I'm not waiting for anyone else to give me permission. If I give myself permission to be the best, I can be not the best in the world because that's not even achievable, but the best I can be and achieve whatever I want to do to the 9th degree.

What happened next?

I remember flying home and my dad saying to me, well, what next? People around me could see I'd just been on this massive trajectory.

It started with a couple of clients at home in my office, but the light bulb moment came in the February.  I remember having this moment of, I have to create an online business that could have global reach and I want to inspire people. There was a real need for me help others understand some of the stuff I've learnt. What am I going to do?

Female Leaders Rising

I actually think Rachel that there's more and more female leaders rising, and I think it's a really powerful time to be a woman. We have all the things that used to be barriers that, how do you run a business when you were at home? Well, we now have social media. We now have podcasts. We can reach anyone.

It's exciting to see so many more powerful women realize their own potential and start to achieve it and then reach down and help other people up that mountain. The podcast became a way of doing that.

I actually started my first podcast when I launched that Inspiring Mummy Club business, because somebody said to me, you should do a podcast, so I went okay.

I’d never listened to a podcast, but I knew I could recreate one, I had no understanding of the mechanics and even three and a half years ago, podcasting isn't like, it is now. Now it's a major vehicle. Over 50% of the world's population, regularly tune into podcasts.

What makes me tick is the idea that someone somewhere could listen to your podcast or one of my client's podcasts and you don't know what life that's going to touch. You don't know what difference that's going to make.

Celebrating the Wins

How good are you at celebrating your wins, acknowledging them and allowing yourself space to celebrate your wins?

That’s been slightly more challenging during lockdown. Two or three weeks after I launched my second book Podcast with impact, which gained 37 number ones globally was just insane.

That week I was high as a flipping kite all week, even now, I'm still just getting back in touch with people to say, thank you for supporting me. I couldn't do a thing that week, but then comes the crash. That's normal as well to acknowledge that if you're going to have highs and you're going to celebrate that hard, there’s going to be a lull as well.  I had at a bit of an energy crash rest, I can't be bothered. What am I doing? But that's part of it too.

It's not always going to be easy and it's not always going to be plain sailing. There's going to be days where you cannot be bothered and there's going to be days where you think, how could I do anything other than this? It's the ebbs and the flows.

If you could pay yourself one compliment, what would it be?

“Anna you are doing more than enough. That's probably as far as I'm going to go. “

It was great to hear Anna’s, honesty, sharing how she's got to where she is now. It’s not always plain sailing, but we can all learn from that. Hopefully Anna’s own story can give you some inspiration because if you are struggling. It doesn't mean to say that's a fixed state. You can't get past this and work towards your goals.

A timely reminder that we mustn't let our fear of failure stop us from trying, because that fear of failure can often stop us from just getting started.

You can listen to the full interview here-

To find out more about Anna please visit here website www.annaparkernaples.co.uk 

You can also follow Anna. on social media- InstagramTwitter and Facebook.

Keeping being fabulous x

 

 

 

 

 

.

 

February 12, 2021

Midlife Inspirathon- Spreading midlife positivity

A 13 hour live marathon day, interviewing inspiring women, spreading some midlife positivity.

Wow what a day to remember!

Where the idea came from

When I first had the idea to celebrate the launch of the new Liberte Free to Be podcast series  I never imagined it would grow into such a big event. During the last 14 months my modelling work had obviously dwindled due to the pandemic,  so having the podcast to keep working provided me with a sense of purpose.

I knew I wanted to create an event where I could give something back, as women supporting other women, is at the heart of my personal brand, so creating a fundraising event seemed like the perfect fit.

What is a Midlife Inspirathon?

The Midlife Inspirathon is a full day of live interviews. over on my Instagram page , interviewing 22 women all with inspiring stories to tell, whilst raising money for two women's charities to support.

Women Supporting Women

The Motherwell Cheshire charity, CEO Kate Blakemore has become a familiar face on the podcast.  I am constantly blown away by Kate and her teams dedication to help girls and women from all ages and backgrounds offering a wide range of services.

Last year I started to build a relationship with the Smart Works Leeds charity after joining them as a guest on body confidence panel so I was delighted to have the chair Helen Oldham join me for an interview.

Who joined me?

What a pleasure to interview 22 women all with inspiring stories, live on Instagram starting at 8.30am and finishing at 9.30pm. From midlife body confidence activists, authors, midlife mavericks and every day women all with amazing stories to tell. The message that age is not a barrier to following our dreams, reinventing ourselves and finding new passion and purpose was loud and clear. I was left feeling inspired for the next decade and motivated to keep stepping up and removing my self made barriers to make sure I achieve so much more.

 

 

 

 

A celebrity line up-

When women support one another incredible things can happen.

I was so grateful to have everyone join me and for celebrities , including BAFTA winning television and radio presenter Katy Hill who is now stepping in to a new arena after training as a personal development and empowerment coach supporting the event.

Well known Atomic Kitten Natasha Hamilton who has also had a successful solo career, along with actress, singer, presenter, podcaster and founder of the lifestyle community The Capsule Natalie Anderson.

Sally Carman interrupted her busy Coronation Street schedule to talk to me about her role as an ambassador for the Motherwell Cheshire's Believe project. A project that supports women who find themselves in a vulnerable position, often homeless, with children whom are taking way from them into care or placed for adoption. Sally took up the ambassador role after her character Abi Franklin had a very similar story line.

All the interviews are now available to watch on IGTV here

Thank You!

The event has raised £1380 so far and I have say a huge thank you to all the sponsors as without them it wouldn't have been possible.

In no particular order-

Bridge models, Clair Mackenzie, The Business Revolution, Clockface Beauty, Copper & White, Susan Esco, Dye2befree, Mandy Taylor- founder of Charity Angels, Cloud9, Nima marketing, ChocolatePR, Jacynth Bassett, Jo Cusden, Audrey, Annie Stirk, Wear My Freedom, Yourbody.love

Final Thoughts

We can not allow our fear of failure stop us from pursuing our dreams in this next chapter of life.

All the women I interviewed are grabbing hold of midlife and making sure that they are certainly not invisible.

There's a real sense of midlife community, women who are supporting one another and reaching down to others who may need a hand up. I only hope we can build on this and hope that the media , fashion and advertising companies start to truly reflect the real power of women over 40 who are shining brightly later in life.

Don't forget you can also find lots more inspiration over on the Liberte Free to Be podcast.

I'm just getting started!

Keep being fabulous x

 

 

January 22, 2021

Woman of the Week- Michelle Sparman the founder of FIT SW11 Apparel

Sharing my woman of the week whose left me with that #feelgoodfriday feeling.

My women of the week is the fabulous Michelle Sparman.

https://fitsw11.com

Michelle is a fitness instructor and personal trainer based in London and the creator of this fantastic initiative. I love that she's seen the need to help other women have free access to fitness gear that might otherwise not feel they can get out there and be active right now.

This week has been a hard one, the grey, wet Yorkshire weather hasn't helped but seeing some blue skies really lifted me this morning. I couldn't wait to get outside and get some fresh air and exercise.

I came across a fantastic new initiative called FIT SW11 Apparel which helps women access free good quality, second hand fitness clothes to empower training. It's such a great idea so I had a good clear out and headed to the Post Office happy to donate. How many pairs of leggings do we really need to have in our wardrobes?

It always feels good to do something positive and help support others. Women supporting women is at the heart of my Liberte Free to Be brand so I definitely got the #feelgoodfriday feeling.

I've been fortunate to have worked on some fantastic fitness and healthy lifestyle campaigns and with that came the added bonus of keeping some of the fitness clothes on a regular basis.

From Tescos FF Active wear with Davina McCall, Rohnisch activewear and most recently Sweaty Betty. It's a real luxury and it's easy to take for granted that I have access to lots of different fitness wear.

 

So many people are struggling financially over the last 12 months because of the pandemic and buying new fitness clothing will definitely not be a priority. We all know the benefits on our mental well being that being active brings. Not having the appropriate clothes to wear can be a huge barrier for some women and really knock their confidence.

Next time you're clearing out your wardrobe why not take a look at Michelles Facebook page or you find FIT SW11 Apparel on Instagram.  

Women supporting women is the future!

 

More from the blog

Social Bubble - On Instagram

Wrong or no access token.

LIBERTÉ FREE TO BE

Liberte Free to Be champions women who are embracing life and leaving a trail of inspiration along the way. Inspiring others to become more confident in body and mind.

We all have a story to tell.
 

STEP OUT OF THE BUBBLE FACEBOOK GROUP

If you're looking for a safe space to share experiences, challenges and successes with a global community of women finding their own way through midlife, then come and join the group.

Join Now
 

SIGN UP TO OUR NEWSLETTER

Please wait...

Thank you for sign up!