Believe in Butterflies! (Or: The Evolution of the Self)

I’m not alone in all of this, or am I?

The stories around midlife are becoming more and diverse. I like reading them! I like the information I get, the tips and hacks to help you get through, the comfort of finding out that the ghosts haunting me are quite common and normal for this time in life, this uplifting feeling from hearing or reading about personal success, and most of all the assurance that I’m not alone in all this. Or am I?

I'm very lucky in that I’ve hardly had any age-related physical problems (yet). Some bloating, swollen ankles, sometimes a bit of breathlessness, dryness in certain places and incontinence -I'm familiar with them, but most of them are under control.

Battling the Dementors

However, I'm battling Dementors! I've been struggling with mood swings, dark moods, a feeling of hopelessness. My family is amazing! My husband just gets on with things, leaves me to it and loves me the way I am, sometimes teases me, that I'm always angry anyway (so basically. I'm the Hulk!). My teenage, young adult, sons have been going through hormonal changes themselves, so they sort of know what's going on.

Work Life

My issue is the other big part of my life: WORK! When I'd finished school, my dad told me that I could study anything I liked, but not arts - the one thing that I've always wanted to do! He thought there was no money in arts. So instead, I studied social work, because I felt (and others told me) that I was "good with people". But later, after a couple of jobs, I decided that what I really wanted to do, was to work with children - and so I did.

First in my native Germany with 3 - 6-year-olds, then I had my own children and moved to England. I consider myself very lucky, as I was able to stay at home with my children until they had nearly finished primary school before I had to go back to work to contribute to our income. I continued where I'd left off: started with childminding from home, then started working in a nursery – SNAP! The trap closed!

I like being in control.

This job is my personal mirror that has helped me to find out who really am, in a rather harsh way. Midlife has changed me: I'm not as patient as I used to be, neither as tolerant nor empathetic with others. My mood swings caused a lot of inner frustration, anger, and irritation, then frustration with myself for not being able to control those feelings. (Ahhh, CONTROL! I like being in control)

Knowledge is Power

I was becoming aware that all of these were quite common signs of menopause, and on the background that my niece was developing an app supporting women through menopause. I started asking a lot of questions, I've been reading a lot about the various symptoms, picking up tips, tricks, hacks, and exercises to cope with them. I read up on midlife in general, how it changes women and their way of thinking about themselves, researched different personality types and trades to find out mine, and learned more and more about myself.

So, who am I?

First: I'm a true introvert. I’ve always been happy in my own company, having just a few close friends, and enjoying going to clubs and parties, but usually making sure that I could leave whenever I wanted. I remember leaving family gatherings without an explanation, to go for a walk-in solitude, before returning, ready for another dose of social interaction. When I became a mum, I struggled with having to be completely devoted to these little creatures that now depended on me, with my husband at work and no social network, in a foreign country, having nowhere in space or time to escape to.

Facing the hormonal rollercoaster

So why on earth would I go back into childcare? To generate income - it was what I knew! At least these children would go back to their parents at the end of the day, right? Little did I know then, how the experiences from work would still spin round and round in my head at home in my supposed safe place, causing me to snap at my kids thereby generating mum guilt to add to the load. The hormonal rollercoaster made what had once been a hard but enjoyable joy unbearable.

Everything has since felt intensified: the noise of the children, the "feel good" music in the background. the structure and pace of daily routines. some people's voices. the brightness of the lights. I tried my best to block out what wasn't needed, and to concentrate on one child or a small group at a time, which led to me missing announcements or when colleagues were talking to me. Sometimes, I couldn't even listen to someone who was talking to my face; I would stare at them in concentration. but somehow the words didn't reach my brain. I went for a hearing test, but everything was fine.

Building a mental health toolkit

So, I decided that it must be the mental effects of menopause and started to establish a daily routine: some mild exercise, a walk with the dog in the morning. Practising mindfulness during my dinner breaks, changing my diet (less caffeine, less alcohol, more plant-based food).

I'd write my gratitude journal , after work on the couch (while binge eating sweets, chocolates, and crisps) before falling asleep in front of the television. The things outside the last brackets have become an invaluable help on my journey!

They are some of the tools in my mental health toolbox.

Exploring the medical route

I also tried the medical route. This resulted in one Dr prescribing me anti-depressants over the phone, because I had confirmed to sometimes having "dark thoughts".

I had been asking about a blood test to check my hormone levels, but he just told me "Well, why check them? We already know that your hormone levels are low!". I did pick up the pills, but I never took them. This was not my way of dealing with my problems! The next GP, this time face to face about a year later, had me trying hormone patches, based on what I had told her about the way I was feeling. I stopped using them, because they didn't feel right either (I felt empty, and I started bleeding again, which I'd stopped about two and a half years earlier). However, these experiences were my eye opener!

I am not ill, I don’t need fixing, I’m absolutely fine!

Using my mental health tool kit and the app and following different life coaches and other amazing people on social media. Reading their stories, posts, and lots of empowering quotes, helped established one thing: I am not ill, I don't need fixing, I'm absolutely fine!

I am an introvert and work best on my own; I work best when I'm not being rushed, left to do things at my own pace (slowly but thoroughly); I work with passion when I'm following my own ideas; I am creative, a maker; I'm strong headed, independent, and determined - That's me!

Falling down the comparison trap

That's not bad material for a self-employed power woman, right? So, why am I not?

And now comes the part that I don't really want to write about, because it makes me feel weak, makes me feel like I'm making excuses, makes me feel Inadequate: first, I want financial security! Then, because my job is too fast paced for me, too full of sensual experiences, of changes and things out of my control, too intensely filled with social interaction, I desperately need winding down time. When I'm at work, I use my toolbox to keep my head over water, but it's at home, where I recharge my batteries. That takes time!

Then, I need time to do fun things and be creative. Can you hear my voice go quieter? Because now, my inner life coach is telling me "Well, if you want to get out of this job, you need to do something about it! No pain, no gain!" And I whisper "Yeah, but if I prepare for self-employment, it'll be another thing on my To Do list, another chore! ... and I don't even know which way to go..." and then I shut up, lost, and confused, comparing myself to all these amazing and interesting power women I'm reading about and meeting online; wondering, where I fit in. This is also me!

The chrysalis inside the cocoon!

Who I really am is the chrysalis inside the cocoon!

I am leaving my caterpillar life behind and slowly transforming, in my own time. I'm chaos, inside, not really knowing where I'II be going or what's going on, but not sleeping or standing still. I'm not sure when I’ll hatch, but I'm busy creating, trying new things, meeting new people, and growing ... into a beautiful butterfly!

I believe in Love, Life,

and the Evolution of the Self!

Words by Claudia Stringfellow

Instagram-@claudia.stringfellow

Facebook- @claudiastringfellow

Published by Rachel Peru in Blog, Inspiring Women

Tags: empowering women, finding confidence, midlife, midlife women, midlifewomen, self development, self evolution, selflove, womensupportingwomen

January 7, 2022

Empowering Boudoir Photography

My top 5 reasons to say yes to a boudoir shoot.

I believe all women should have the opportunity to do an empowering boudoir shoot at least once in their life.

The term boudoir still appears attached to outdated ideas that women who choose this are merely doing it to please a man. When I first started my modelling career I never imagined I would be comfortable modelling lingerie . I certainly wouldn't have been comfortable expressing the more sensual side of my personality when I was younger. From my own experience I've found it totally empowering.

I had the pleasure of talking with Jane Earnshaw, the founder of Chique Studios, a photography and make over business, for the Liberte Free to Be podcast. Jane inspires women to become more confident in front of the camera and embrace their natural beauty.I spent the day with Jane to hopefully help bust some of those fears away and show you just how accessible it is for everyone and what an impact it can have on someones confidence.

Here's my top 5 reasons why I think you should YES to a boudoir shoot

When do you get to spend the whole day being pampered?

From the minute you walk in to a good photographers studio you will be well looked after and made to feel special. I would say do your research when it comes to booking , check out there website, look at their photo gallery. Personally I love working with female photographers as I think they can relate to a woman's vulnerability. Try and work with a photographer that has a diverse range of images and women on their books. You may walk in feeling nervous but by the time the hair and make up team have finished you'll feel like a million dollars. Allowing yourself to step into a different world is so much fun.

It will boost your confidence.

Lots of women struggle to feel happy in their bodies, insecurity stops them thinking they will look good in the photos. We all have parts of our bodies that we aren't happy with

In 2016, the Dove Global Beauty and Confidence report interviewed 10,500 women and girls across 13 different countries. The results were staggering and women in the UK had the lowest body confidence scores in the world. Only 20% of women and young girls saying they liked the way they looked.

We ALL have amazing parts of ourselves that will always shine through on camera. Being honest with your photographer about your worries, prior to the shoot, will help you relax. The photographer wants you to see just how naturally gorgeous you are and they will bring out the best in you.

It will help you connect with your sensuality, whatever that feels like to you.

Expressing your sensuality doesn't have to mean wearing lingerie and lace. You may feel more sensual wearing a trouser suit with a hint of cleavage showing. I actually think the term boudoir should be changed to empowerment. It's such an individual feeling.

We've all been conditioned to think that women after 40 need to hide our bodies away, that our bodies in midlife are perhaps something to be ashamed of. This can only leave women feeling invisible and lose confidence in themselves. I strongly believe we can and need to reclaim our ageing bodies back and learn to embrace them just as they are right now.

When I model lingerie and share my body confidence posts on social media 50% of the population maybe surprised to hear that I am not doing it to please their male gaze. The fact that a woman in lingerie may be viewed as sexy is merely a by-product and not the goal; I think it’s important for us all to remember that.

I do it to show other women that it is OK to celebrate and enjoy your body, no matter how old you are. It’s my choice to express myself this way and I am finally confident enough to own that. I hope you can too.

It will push you out of your comfort zone.

Yes stepping out of your comfort zone is a little scary but it's definitely where I've grown the most in the last ten years. I find it helps to build a new memory bank of life experiences that you can always call on if your having a bad self belief day. Having those beautiful images of yourself to go back to will give you that extra boost of confidence.

To celebrate just how fabulous you are

Doing a boudoir shoot can really be a way of showing your body some self love. A reminder just how amazing your body is showing up for you every day. Every wrinkle, every stretch mark, every scar tells a story of what makes you unique. Capturing that in a lingerie shoot is powerful and something to be celebrated.

(P.S If you're offered a glass of champagne on the shoot take it! You deserve it x)

“Feeling confident, being comfortable in your own skin - that’s what really makes you beautiful.”

#janeearnshaw #chiquestudios

You can also watch the behind the scenes video with Chique Studios HERE

Outfits- Pink suit @Zara

Pink bra @Playful Promises

Black Body- Figleaves #gifted

#empoweringwomen #bodyconfidence #bodypositive #embraceyourbody #midlifewomen #boudoirshoot #chiquestudios

Published by Rachel Peru in Body Confidence

Tags: bebodypositive, bekindtoyourbody, bodyconfidence, bodypositive, boudoir, boudoir photography, confidence in midlife, curvemodel, curvesandconfidence, embaceyourbody, finding confidence, midlife, midlifewomen, Rachel Peru, selflove

September 2, 2020

Liberte Free to Be with Susan Burrell.

I'm delighted to be joined by the inspiring American Author Susan Burrell. Susan is also a podcast host ‘Empowering Lives’, a presenter and guest speaker and is really helping people who are at a crossroads in life through her own intuitive healing.

After digging a bit deeper and reading more about Susan’s story, her journey really resonated with me and I'm sure lots of women will be able to gain some inspiration and relate to this one.

How do you describe yourself when you wear so many different hats?

I see myself as one of those carnival people of the last century with the poles and they're spinning plates and they're juggling. It's about creative freedom for me now in my later years. In my earlier years, I didn't think I was good enough or believe in myself. I was taught very carefully to not believe in myself in a very subterfuge clandestine way. As I got older, especially in the third chapter of my life, I really want to get out of that measurement of feeling less than and devalued and I did some very deep inner work.

Rachel I'm in the divine flow of life for the first time in my life and I had to work really hard to get into that flow of life. There’s days where I get sidetracked or I feel less than again, I mean, even though you do the work, it's an ongoing thing, right?

People think that once you get to this state of finding your way, of really finding the true self, that it's a done deal and you don't have to do any more work, but it's an ongoing journey.

Isn't it? Ongoing journey in this lifetime and probably many lifetimes, it's just an ongoing journey.

Life After Divorce

You’ve turned some really negative situations, emotions , feelings and gone through a similar experience to me with your divorce that really is life changing. How difficult did it get and how did you find your way out of it?

I've been on a spiritual quest since I was 17, 18 so I already had accumulated tons of skill sets. Working as a counsellor for 20 years with skill sets that I would use with my clients, I just used all of them on me.

I thought I had almost escaped the divorce debacle, you know, Oh, we've made 28 years and aren't we great. No!

All of a sudden, these women who had been divorced, came flooding into my life, you know, because if I'm not married, where's my tribe?

My girlfriends who were still married couldn't understand what I was going through. I started hanging out with other divorced women and I noticed after a bottle and a half of wine later, they were still embittered after having been divorced 15 years ago. I'm like, I don't I want to be like that because I knew I had a second path in life.

I knew I wanted to live fully since it felt like my first half, I wasn't living my life as me. I was living my life in conjunction with someone, in partnership with someone. It was time to give Susan her turn and I think that happens a lot with women.

We give ourselves permission all of a sudden to really think about ourselves and what we want to achieve in life.

Divorce kind of kicks you out of the nest, right? It throws you out of that comfort zone, so for me I didn't realize it was happening until I actually chose to file.

What I mean by that is I kept trying to make it right and it wasn't ever going to be right. It probably wasn't right from the beginning of the marriage and I stayed 28 years, I was shattered. My understanding of who I was, was completely shattered, like shattered glass.

Different colours all over the floor. I felt like during the divorce, it was so contentious. I felt like I was crawling on my belly through that glass almost every day. After a while of feeling sorry for myself and running my story to friends and crying and sobbing and going through several box of Kleenex, I thought how do I want to come out of this?

I want to come out better than I've ever been in my life.

I am so surprised I'm saying this, Rachel, but the gift for me was to really dig deep into my spiritual practice again. Opening up that toolbox that I had and then applying it to myself. The gift really was the divorce because I came out loving and respecting myself more than I ever had. I came out respecting the work that I do, which I had always just kind of fluffed off. I gained the insight.

That’s the heart of what self-love is about, about accepting and loving yourself.

So many people don't know how to do that. We haven't been taught that at university or kindergarten, or we haven't necessarily even been taught that in our family of origin. I know I wasn't taught that. The good news is you get to make your life up however you want and if you want it to be a good, healthy, empowered, fun, creative life, you get to have that.

Facing Fear

How did you stop the fear from eating away at you and step into your new life? I think so many women that I talk to have dreams and aspirations and they want to try and take those next steps forward but then the fear blocks and stops them from doing that.

That's a really good question. I think that was the gift of my divorce. I had been affirmed over and over that this is the work I'm supposed to do, not go be a sales clerk somewhere, or a waitress again. The fear showed up , Oh my gosh, where's my income, you know, but I began to learn that in order to come out whole loving myself more, I had to face the fear.

I attempt to do that now, when it comes up, I have to face it. Often times when you face that fear you can see that it's really just a small part of you that's trying to keep you safe. It's not a big bugaboo guy. It's a small little thing within you that's saying I'm scared. When you can recognize that, or when I do, then I can comfort it or say, well we're still going to do this anyway, but you're going to be okay. I do a lot of that kind of work in meditation or journaling.

I've just started doing that. I started writing a gratitude journal at the end of every day and I think it’s really made a difference. It has kept me grounded with in reality and given me a better understanding of what’s truly important to me in life.

A good journaling prompt you might ask yourself in the morning is what do I need to know today? I just do stream of consciousness writing. What do I need to know about my day to day and see what happens?

Live Your Empowered Life

You’ve now used all your experiences, your spiritual practice and your intuitive gift that brought you into the forefront to be able to help other people that are at the same crossroads in life. How has your work evolved into an inspiring book?

I had several clients and colleagues say, Oh, 'I can't wait to get your book. I'm going to read it'. I'm like, Oh, it's not a self-help read, you might get a gem but it's a let's go on this journey together and hunker down and do the inner work.

There's lots of affirmations in the book to work, I crafted it so you're going to begin on a gentle ride and then you're going to dive deep and then you're going to come up for air and then you're going to dive deep again.

Until you can get to a place where towards the end of the book, you get to rewrite your purpose in life and come out of the book with a real conscious purpose, which is a spiritual purpose.

I mostly work with women who have gone through divorce or are going through divorce and they really want to heal.

Most of my clients re reflect what I went through, they don't know themselves. I have a stellar client who said, I never knew that I had a choice about loving myself.

Feeling Lost in Midlife and Finding your Way Back

Why do you think we do lose ourselves in society? It does seem to be a common theme that women get to the forties and fifties and come to this point where they need to find themselves.

I'm praying and knowing that the current generation of women will not go through that, that they're going to know themselves sooner. I think what we're witnessing now in our generation is a closure of an old story, an old paradigm. The patriarchal that women should be seen and not heard, women stand behind their man, women stay at home, Or if you go out in the workplace, you come back and you do the laundry and cook the meals and clean up and put the kids to bed.

Inspiring women are the ones that are going to lead us into the light in and are the ones that are going to lead us into how the new way of living. I'm not saying men aren't going to be a part of it, but it's going to be awakened men, not men that continue to do the good old boy club thing, because it's dead and they're still beating it with a stick.

Women would hit midlife with society's description of how women are supposed to be in the world was complete. Get married. raise kids, maybe go to university, find a job, but now halfway through it's like, NO! and that's why women wake up and go holy moly, who am I? I'm tired of doing what everybody else tells me to do.

I had a yearning; I had a divine urge within me to be more than I was. I got battered mentally, emotionally, and energetically to wake up and stop with the old. I think a lot of women go through that.

That really resonates with me and that yearning for knowing that actually deep down inside you, there's something that was trying to get out, someone to be who you could be. It’s about finding your way through that.

Finding your way through is different for everyone, but I believe a consistent focus if you allow it. That focus is what we were talking about earlier, focusing on that divine urge, not what your head's telling you, but what your heart's telling you.

Allowing that to begin to inform you your wisdom within, because all the answers we are asking for reside right within us.

If you align with your higher self, if you align with the infinite then all your answers are right inside you. That's why journaling and meditating, silent meditation is so important because that's how you can hear.

Finding Inner Peace Through Meditation

Let’s talk about meditation. I know how good it could be for me, but I do struggle to switch my brain off. What tips can you recommend helping beginners learn to let go and meditate.

Meditation insight is a great ap. If you've never meditated, you can set it for five minutes. You don't have to worry about what else is happening and build up the amount of time you feel comfortable. What I encourage people is to start a meditation practice and start a journaling practice.

The journaling practice can happen right after your meditation, because then you're more open and you can write down insights. But what you also said, Rachel, starting a gratitude journal. That works a lot for people, especially if you're feeling a little down and out. Writing down the things you're grateful for is a very simple process to move you from despair or fear into love and light.

I have a guided meditation that I'd love to give them. It's called out of the box thinking and they can download it @susanburrell.com/free-gift-meditation

Self Love

My last question is if you could give yourself a compliment, what would it be? Women are notoriously bad at accepting compliments we always try to pass it off and push it aside or make a joke of it.

Wow, that's going to make me cry. I think I would. I, Oh, I can't even get the words out.

I would tell myself that I'm very proud of who I am now proud of the courage and the strength that I am and proud of the love and the value I bring. I'm very proud.

I'm sure you will agree Susan Burrell has really been inspiring and giving us all a lot to think about.

If you'd like to find out more, please go visit www.susanburrell.com.

You can listen to full audio interview here

#podcast #outofthebubble #inspiringwomen #divorce #sharingstories #conversations #confidence

Published by Rachel Peru in Inspiring Women, Liberte Free to Be Podcast

Tags: divorce, facing fear, inspiringwomen, lifeafter40, nevertoolate, outofthebubble, selflove, timeforchange

March 1, 2020

When does self improvement become a problem?

Self- improvement - Where does it stop?

''I’m all for self-improvement being the best you can be is so commendable and it's what so many of us strive for on a daily basis, Eat healthy, exercise, dress well, use beauty products and enhancements. However, when does self-improvement become a problem?

I've been pondering that question for quite a while now and recently I've begun to realise just how much advertisers depend and procure our insecurities for financial gain.

I sat down with my 84-year-old father last week and had a really long chat, although I'm close to my parents it's not something I think we do anywhere near enough.

My father has had two new hips, two new knees extensive heart surgery with a combined defibrillator and a pacemaker fitted within his chest and he's permanently in contact via these devices to a specialist heart unit. However, my father remains a generally happy and above anything else a contented man.

He's captain of the local bowls team, yes how can he bowl with all those artificial joints ?? but he does.

He's happily married to my mother and has been for 56 years and he's head of our family which includes 10 women and no men apart from my husband but none biologically related and we all adore him.

He's not however been overly concerned with money mothers always done that and he's never been on a diet in his life or watched his alcohol units. And wouldn’t dream of having a mobile phone “ Why do I want people bothering me 24/7.

He said to me he's happy when he's with his family and friends at the local pub having a pint after bowling and sport!

Either partaking not so much now obviously or watching sport makes him very happy.

Keeping connected is his key. He told me about all the amazingly wealthy good looking and ambitious people he had known over his lifetime, dad is more of a plodder turned around to me and said but they're all dead now there's not many of us left, but I'm still here.

It got me thinking about whats really important about aging well and self-improvement, sometimes it can be so over consuming and hard work keeping up with all the latest trends and beauty tweakments that we quite forget to enjoy the moment. We're so busy striving for better and better that we often don't realise this may be as good as it gets.

Looking back in 10 years from now we may just kick ourselves especially when we look at photographs and think why didn’t I appreciate how good I looked, why was I worried about what people thought about me or why did I think I looked fat in that!

Self improvement is fine as long as you don’t get sucked into that never-ending barrage of false promises false claims of wonder creams, potion's and lotions.

Dad recommends fun and love as the two most important things that are important to him and a positive outlook.

Enjoy every day as if it were your last, as one day it definitely will be!!''

Best wishes

Lesley Greenwood

Link to my professional profile !

https://www.psychologytoday.com/profile/412570

You can contact :-

Lesley Greenwood BSc (hons) MSc Clinical Science Psychotherapist/Counsellor

Twitter @Lesley Ann Green

Psychology Today https://www.psychologytoday.com/profile/412570

Email LuluGreen64@hotmail.com

Keep being fabulous
Rachel x

Published by Rachel Peru in Liberte Free to Be Podcast

Tags: happiness, inspiringwomen, liveinthemoment, mondymotivation, outofthebubble, selflove

February 23, 2020

How an image coach can renew your confidence.

Listen to your inner voice and don't be afraid to question her" by Sara Marsden-Shreeve

This weeks Monday motivation comes from award winning colour, style and confidence consultant Sara Marden-Shreeve at The Image Tree. Sara is not your average image consultant, using her degree in psychology and coaching qualifications , Sara helps women build their confidence from the inside and out. I love her motto "Rock what you've already got" and this weeks post is a reminder to us all to be kinder to ourselves and to listen to that inner voice too!

"There I am aged 12, stood in the gym at our schools’ annual Christmas country dancing seasonal treat in darkest deepest Winter...yes you heard right bizarre eh? When I think about it now, I still feel a little gip in my stomach.

It was the usual scenario of girls one side and boys the other in which the popular "lotharios" got to strut their confidence and choose their bottle green clad damsel in a pencil skirt. How romantic?

I was usually one of the stragglers at the end, awkwardly looking at her scuffed shoes whilst the remaining boys chose with equal embarrassment and shame. You know... the usual demeaning stuff on the mean road to adulthood.

Everyone got to dance with everyone else as you’re passed from pillar to post and got to swing around and do the ‘dosey- doh’ and so on.. it beat sitting in lessons on a Friday afternoon I guess!

Well, towards the end of the afternoon I moved up the rows and eventually got to partner with one of THE top lads in the year, Mr Popularity himself. I literally gulped in my very soul. At this point, he quite loudly scoffed to his surrounding mates and groupies on my approach, whilst the teacher was pratting around with the stereo system, that it would be best that he not get too close ( to me) in case he caught and I quote “ugly disease”.

I remember feeling an inner burn; something had fizzled inside me.. the remnants of my self-confidence died and as you well know, there isn’t much to go around anyway in teenage-dom.

The rest of the remaining hour felt like an eternity and I wanted to go home and shrivel up into a ball of nothingness and as fast as possible. Fingers were being pointed and whispers were rife in that gym hall that day.

Needless to say, after that I felt the same sad void for some good ooh 18 years and the 'uglyness' tag continued to hang, plus, what with the acne, the scarcity of boyfriends and the body changes it was all an even slower burn. I think it would be fair to say that I “fell out with myself”, didn’t like me as it were, felt pretty well “flawed” somehow. One stupid comment from one moron took my spark! My arch nemesis ‘the negative belief’ was born. Boom!

As with most of us, life deals you a few shitty hands that seem to scar, but yet we are also delivered great stuff with the other but, we just don’t seem to relish them as much, you know like your first love, trying new things and feeling accomplished at something. Instead, we hang onto the negative, the poisonous things that bury themselves into our very core and stop us becoming truly happy or doing/being…you know ‘that thing’ we’re supposed to do or be. We all have it we just sometimes choose to ignore it because of fear of failure and getting sucked into believing it's all true and we can't or we're not worth it.

So you know what, out of nowhere, at the age of 35, I decided one morning that I was not going to return to Civil Engineering (my current job at the time, which I loved actually) and I was going to do something about me for me, but what?! Whether an angel had whispered these thoughts in my sleep or the universe had taken me by the hand in my dreams the night before, I do not know, but I was about to experience a shift!

I was still on maternity leave with my second child at this time and I felt I was drowning in nappies, housework and monotony. A time that I now see gave me unconditional love partnered with true reflection and the time to see what life can actually bring... family. To be honest, our journey to having a family was straught with miscarriage and loss so you can see how making the decision to do something in life was so inherent. No more victim, I needed to start listening to those crappy inside voices and tell them to shut the hell up and sit down, I'd brought lives into the world for god sake.

So to cut a long story short I realised that my future had always been there, sitting right under my nose, but had not really seen it or even looked for it.

I loved colour, loved fashion, loved people and how they ticked (I have a BA Hons in Applied Social Science) so I was going to learn how to build confidence through learning how to like me and my body again and give it the blummin respect it so deserved! Well-fitting clothes, my own style, flattering colours and love for just being me were my agenda. That way I could pass it on to others whom I know shared the same feelings about themselves and they too would be able to do something about it. Plant those positive seeds as it were...

I qualified via First Impressions in Warwick, first just as a Colour Consultant and then later on as a fully- fledged Image Consultant, I then went onto set up The Image Tree back in 2013. I built my own website, went on fab courses and learned to Blog, use Social Media and get myself out there and join networking groups full of inspiring women.

Through listening, acting on and meeting fabulous people and clients, I now sit on the Style Guru team at Henpicked, frequently speak on BBC radio , work with many local businesses/ larger corporates, collaborate with confidence building brands, present at seminars and even won some awards. Heck I'm even one part of a trio of women entrepreneurs who set up a local networking group with a twist WiRE (Women in Rural Enterprise) to help support and teach other women in business.

A few years ago I also added NLP to my skillset so that I can provide a Coaching string to aid Positive Mind-set further and provide the whole top to toe, inside and out services to any woman who wants to start their Style and Confidence journey. I'm also a massive lover and user of Positive Psychology and have truly niched myself by supplying an holistic approach to Image, because of it's proven powerful effects on myself and other women. Most of my closest colleagues are all practitioners and specialists within the Health, Wellness and Self Care Industry so we all bounce and support off each other. Cool eh?

So if you thought the whole Image Consultancy thing was a shallow, materialistic based service, which those not in the know think, then you'd be hugely mistaken. For me, being an Image Coach educates and delivers you and your confidence back to you on a plate, with a side order of ‘Love’. That’s just the catalyst that starts the ball rolling and hopefully sparks other things.

My personal experience combined with my learnings, new friends and my message throughout social media in general has become ingrained in me for the positive and continues to do so.

So the moral of this story,... remember to take the time to stop sometimes and enjoy your lot, listen to your inner voice and don't be afraid to question her. Once you start practising saying kinder things to yourself and appreciating what you do have, the crappy stuff eventually quietens down. ...learn to love the shit out of yourself.

Did that last phrase make you feel uneasy? If it did, then you've probably developed a block and feel you don't deserve to do it or may feel it's a tad "vain"? You know, it's ok to feel like that because we're not used to doing it, heck we cant even received compliments half the time, so you see it isn’t narcissistic at all and no one even needs to know you give yourself a hug at night or look in the mirror and give a cheeky wink. “Small tweaks tailor transformations”.

Cherish the positive stuff about you and try to brush the self-sabotaging stuff aside, a bit at a time. Your beliefs are just beliefs and aren’t even based on fact, heck they've probably been planted there by some moron at a country dancing lesson in bleak winter, so don’t let them rule you they mean nothing.

By the way before you cast your mind back to that fateful afternoon, I've since seen Mr Popular and I can hand on heart say that he is still a moron only much much bigger and yes I do believe in Karma. The aging process has not been kind."

Sara Marsden-Shreeve

The Image Tree
Award Winning Image Consultant, Coach and Body Positive Advocate

Original article https://www.the-imagetree.co.uk/post/2018/05/29/sticks-and-stones-built-my-business

Keep being fabulous
Rachel x

Published by Rachel Peru in Inspiring Women

Tags: bodyandmind, bodypositiveadvocate, confidence, image coach, innervoice, inspiringwomen, outofthebubble, renew your confidence, selfconfidence, selflove, whatstsoppingyou?, womensupportingwomen

February 16, 2020

Learning to be kinder to ourselves.

Hands up if you've spent countless hours scrolling through Instagram, clicking "like" on women you think look great in that new dress, or with the new haircut or house only to come away feeling down about yourself or your own life? We've all been guilty of it at some point I'm sure. I'm a huge fan of social media as it's brought so many real life connections with some fabulous women but there can also be a very negative side to it. You definitely need to remind yourself that it's not all real; sadly lots of women still filter and photoshop the hell out of themselves, you wouldn't recognise them if you passed them in the street. We very rarely show the bad or mundane aspects of our lives, although those that do often get the most support and engagement from others. We all need this reality check sometimes and learn to be kinder to ourselves.

It doesn't help when media advertising constantly feed us images of perfect, youthful women who we can't possibly relate to because she's 4 inches taller or three sizes smaller and thirty years younger! Some brands have begun to understand the real need for diversity in their campaigns; I honestly believe one day we won't even need this conversation and it will just be the norm, but we are a long way off. Our natural default setting seems to lead us to compare ourselves to others and very rarely in a positive way. If you do struggle with this and it leaves you feeling negative about yourself I would suggest you curate the list of people you follow. Follow the people that leave you feeling inspired, motivated and happy and it will definitely help your mental well-being. The saying 'comparison is the thief of joy' is so true.

Monday Motivation from Emily Barclay, the Perimenopause Hub

Thank you to Emily Barclay from The Perimenopause Hub, for this weeks' Monday Motivation with a gentle reminder to be kinder to ourselves and as Emily says...."be more dog"!

"In an age of social media, it is very easy for us to become all consumed with the idea of 'perfection'. Physically this comes from the constant messages that we are bombarded with from all angles; how being slimmer will make us happier, being overweight means we automatically lazy and unhealthy, that to lose weight is simply a question of willpower. It’s no surprise many of us struggle to feel anything positive about our bodies.

Then there’s the mental health aspect. If it isn’t enough that we have learnt to hate our bodies, we also are constantly surrounded by images of others’ ideal lives. On a conscious level, we know that they have just as many bad days and troublesome issues to deal with as we do, yet most only post the positive aspect of their lives on social media, so we can very easily end up with a skewed outlook, which can lead to feelings of low self-worth, and even depression and anxiety.

And yet each and every one of us is just so special. Our body is our vessel through life. It enables us to do so many amazing things. Just today my body has let me wear Mr Men leggings, it has allowed me to lift weights, it has enabled me to hug my dogs, it has enjoyed some sunshine and cold winter air.

Our minds are amazing places that hold onto information we have learnt along the way, that interpret the tiny things we see and hear all the time, that come up with crazy dreams.

So why the title: Be More Dog. I have six dogs. They don’t compare themselves to celebrity dogs on instadog. They don’t have hang-ups about their hair length or their tail colour. No, they use their body to do what they want to do – to run around, to chase each other, to play, to eat, to walk. They don’t worry about an imagined future or panic that Buster from up the road is better at chasing a ball than they are.

We can learn a lot from our furry friends. If we need to feel more comfortable in our skin, just look at different breeds of dog: the Greyhound isn’t judging the Labrador for having a big appetite; the Great Dane isn’t thinking the Dachshund is somehow lesser because his legs are short; the Frenchie doesn’t think the Doberman has a ridiculously big nose. Yet these are all things we judge ourselves on.

Likewise, the Spaniel is happy sniffing around until she next has a ball to chase; the Jack Russel is snoozing until the postman comes and needs seeing off; the Retriever is curled up on the sofa until her human comes home.

The next time you catch yourself inwardly judging yourself, whether physically or mentally, just take a moment and see how you can be more dog in the situation. Be kind to yourself. Canine you isn’t comparing to anyone else or stressing over the unimportant, and you don’t need to either."

Emily Barclay

Founder

Perimenopause Hub

Perimenopausehub.com

Keep being fabulous
Rachel x

Published by Rachel Peru in Inspiring Women

Tags: bekinder, inspiringwords, midlifemotivation, mondaymotivation, outofthebubble, selflove

February 1, 2020

Body confidence on camera.

Body Talk exhibition with Shy Burham photography & poet Sharena Lee Sattit

Many women still feel very uncomfortable talking about their bodies, particularly in a positive manner. We are all so good at complimenting others but often struggle to show self love and appreciation of our own bodies. Photographer Shy Burhan and Poet Sharena Lee Satti came together to create an exhibition breaking this taboo and celebrating body confidence. Women from diverse backgrounds were invited to submit three words describing what they love about their bodies before being photographed by Shy. Sharena then wrote a beautiful poem called 'She is a goddess' inspired by those photographs.

Opening night was a sell out and it so lovely to see the women showing friends and family their photographs proudly hanging on the walls at Kala Sangram in Bradford. Shy ended up with 58 women, she originally asked for 52 to represent each week of the year but had such a positive response she didn't want to turn anyone down. I love that all the women were truly diverse and different, a true reflection on women in society today. Wouldn't it be great if those people who organise fashion and beauty advertising came to events like to see what true representation looks like.

There is something very moving about seeing women embracing their bodies coming together to celebrate. It's so important that we have creative people bringing projects like this to life to help break down body confidence issues and improve our mental wellbeing.

The exhibition will run until 3rd April and I'm looking forward to then buying my own art installation cylinder, it's going to become our new wine cooler and certainly a new topic of conversation!

The word joy sums up the art installations as part of the exhibition, the 58 women all look so different but so happy and free to express themselves. It was such fun shooting with Shy for this project, lots of movement and laughter.

I'll leave you with this beautiful poem "She is a goddess' written and performed by poet Sarena Lee Sattit. The opening night performance saw this poem accompanied by a beautiful dancer, it was a very moving moment.

What three words would you use to describe why you love your body?

Mine were.

Gratitude, Strength and Acceptance.

Rachel x

Published by Rachel Peru in Body Confidence

Tags: bekindtoyourbody, body confidence, bodypositive, confidence, embaceyourbody, inspiringwomen, selflove

August 28, 2019

Body confidence after 40

Let them stare

I spent so many years dreading the summer holidays, stressing myself out months before with fad diets and manic exercise to reach the unobtainable perfect bikini body. I can't tell you how liberating it is to be free from this now and I really want to inspire other women, particularly over 40 to stop worrying and start enjoying the summer more, just as they are.

What better way to make that statement and continue to challenge my own body confidence by doing a shoot in a lingerie shop window!

Rachel Peru, wearing Empriente swimwear, photographed by Silverymoon Photography

If we saw more women over represented with swimwear brands in advertising perhaps we would all feel a lot more positive about our own bodies. One lady recently left a comment on my social media saying, "I will be 45 soon and I don't feel represented in anyway. I feel women in their forties are invisible". I hear these kind of comments from women all the time and it drives me mad that advertising is making us feel this way. That's my driving force in doing what I am doing.

River Island swimwear, model Rachel Peru, Silverymoon Photography

I think it's important to acknowledge I wasn't always this body confident, infact it has taken me until I reached my forties to feel this way. It's been a gradual process, gained by constantly challenging my insecurities and it's ongoing.

A massive thank you to Debbie at The Fitting Rooms, Ilkley for letting me take over her shop window for the afternoon. https://www.facebook.com/TheFittingRoomIlkley

Boo Hoo swimsuit, Rachel Peru, Trudy Beau Stylist, Silverymoon Photography.

Let them stare, it's time to stop worrying about what other people think and enjoy life right now.

Pour Moi bikini, Rachel Peru, SilveryMoon photography

"Despite knowing they won't be here for long, they still choose to live their brightest lives"

#rupikaur This sums up my thought on life perfectly, no more wasting time on worrying about my imperfections and lumps and bumps. This is me!

Top New Look, Bottoms Miss.Guided, Rachel Peru, Trudy Beau Stylist, Silverymoon Photography
I can't thank the team that worked on this with me enough #dreamteam

Photographer Mya Fawcett https://www.silverymoonphotography.co.uk/about.html

Videographer https://en-gb.facebook.com/aFletcherFilm/

Stylist https://www.facebook.com/trudybeaustylist/

Pour Moi bikini. Rachel Peru, Fletcher Films

"I alone can not change the world, but I can cast a stone across the waters to create many ripples" #mothertheresa

Published by Rachel Peru in Body Confidence

Tags: bebodypositive, bekindtoyourbody, bodyconfidence, confidence, curvemodel, embaceyourbody, selflove, swimwearmodel

March 28, 2019

I’m Right This Way, Ulla Popken Campaign Spring 2019

I loved working on the latest Ulla Popken campaign, it's one of the most inclusive positive shoots I've been involved in so far. A true celebration of women in all our different shapes and sizes but all confident and happy in our bodies.

Such a fun week working with these two beauties. Carina Behrens and Tanya Gouraige. My translators for the week too!! xx

The campaign including models, well-loved German body confident influencers and women from behind the scenes within the Ulla Popken brand.

Ulla Madels, Ulla Girls with Carina Behrens, Verena Prechti and Charlotte Kurht

I could get used to having the length of hair and am now on a mission to grow it longer. I had it cut shorter before Christmas , partly because I wanted a change but mostly because it wasn't in great condition and it needed some tlc.

The more women share their individual body confidence stories the quicker we will all realise that we ALL share the similar insecurities with our body image at some stage in life and that it's time to stop. I've wasted so many years worrying about the number on the scales or the dress size. I used to weigh myself everyday and the number on those scales would invariably dictate the mood of the rest of my day. I can't remember the last time I weighed myself now and it's liberating. This campaign is about you saying and recognising that you are enough just as you are right now.

https://www.ullapopken.co.uk/iamrightthisway/stories.html

Put some Beyonce on in a room full of women and you get a lot of fun, dancing, sass and smiles.

BEAUTY

is what you make of it

Can bodies be right or wrong? We believe the answer is: No. They all deserve to be loved – no matter how much or little they resemble the supposed ideals. Learning to look at our body with love can change our lives. It means seeing beauty and feeling self-love.

Ulla Popken 2019