My Sixties Have Been the Best Decade Ever.

Life after 60

When I was ten, I realized that I would still be alive for the year 2000. That was exciting for about a minute—until it dawned on me that by then I would be in my forties. “Never mind,” I thought, “that’s so old I might as well be dead.”

I was raised on a steady diet of Disney princesses (young, lovely, and passive) and Disney villains (evil, aggressive older women). So it is no wonder I internalised gendered ageism by an early age and took a long time to outgrow it. Turning forty was depressing. By fifty I began to see the ageism thing as a bit of a hype. And by sixty I was through my second divorce, had resumed dating and was writing erotica about Women of a Certain Age. My sixties have been the best decade ever.

The secret society of women over sixty

My children were grown, I was about to retire, and life was grand. I joined the secret society of women over sixty whose members enjoy more freedom than at any time in decades. It turns out retirement is rather like college—if college did not include homework or tests.

As I write, I’m on the edge of turning seventy: the perfect moment to reflect on why this decade of the sixties has been so great.

First, there is time.

Not everyone has the privilege of retirement. And some of us are caretakers of grandchildren or ill spouses or much older parents. But for many of us, including me, the children have flown from the nest and work diminishes or ends. Those of us who had to mount a pitched battle to take two weeks off per year now enjoy grand vistas of time. Did we envy the independently wealthy? Suddenly we possess the most important thing they have: Control of our time. It is like being let out of a cage.

Second, there is indifference.

Do you worry about what people think of you? Whether you are cool? Whether you are dressed for success? Do you walk the narrow line between feminine/passive and masculine/aggressive, seeking the perfect level of assertiveness? In my sixties, I achieved the quasi-nirvana of not giving a flying fig.

Third, there is a new level of self-care.

I go for a long walk every day. I lift weights, I dance in my nightgown, I read all the books on my TBR list, and I volunteer for projects that are near and dear to me. And, equally important for self-care, I keep an Anti-Bucket List of things I am no longer willing to do. Top of the list: No high heels ever again.

Fourth, there is romance and sexuality.

Contrary to how we are socialized, we can just keep going as long as we like. As Maggie Kuhn, founder of the Gray Panthers, once said, “Learning and sex until rigor mortis.” When we date in our sixties we may end up kissing several frogs before finding a prince; yet it is definitely a worthwhile endeavor. I was 62 when I met my terrific partner through an online dating site. I recommend Joan Price’s book, Naked at Our Age, for more on this topic.

Fifth, there is the return to creativity.

I set aside my passionate desire to write books when I became a full-time worker and a mother. I’m not alone; many of us turn away from the creative joys of our youth when we grow up. Even when we have time, it’s easy to judge ourselves about the pastimes that bring us joy—as if play needed to meet a certain standard. Making peace with our Inner Critic is one of the key developmental tasks of our sixties.

As I write my own fiction and teach workshops about playful writing, I see women reclaim ourselves through creativity. It’s the most magical gift of my sixties. By following our passions—whether writing or painting or learning about dinosaurs—we fully inhabit our vivid lives, which are completely different than the stereotype of women in our sixties. And when we share our creativity, through publication, through showing our paintings in galleries, we push back on the negative social narrative about women our age.

Savour each day for the privilege it is.

My sixties have been a grand adventure, and I treasure every memory of this marvellous decade. How much longer the ride will last is impossible to know, but I plan to live in joy as long as I can. My resolution as I transition to my seventies is to savor each day for the privilege it is.

Written by Stella Fosse

https://www.instagram.com/stella.fosse/

https://www.facebook.com/StellaFosseAuthor/

https://www.linkedin.com/in/StellaFosse/

Published by Rachel Peru in Inspiring Women

Tags: empowering women, inspiringwomen, life after 60, life after retirement, nevertoolate, nevertooold, nowrongage, women over 60

July 27, 2023

Grey and Divorcing? You’re in Good Company!

I do

When you walked down the aisle and vowed to “love, honor and cherish” you could not envision the day would come when you would be facing divorce. (It is noteworthy that we once vowed to “love, honor, and obey” but after centuries of smirks and downright refusal, “cherish” replaced “obey” as the transitive verb of choice.)

Sure, as you said, “I Do,” you knew there would be hardships and hurdles, but you truly believed there was nothing the two of you couldn’t overcome.

Then Life Happened…

Career conflicts, mortgage payments, kids and their countless accouterment, college funds to fill and aging parents to care for, not to mention menopause. You’re not quite sure when you stopped being you, but you woke up one morning, looked in the mirror and didn’t recognize yourself. Yeah, maybe there was a hint of that hopeful girl in your face, but you had no idea who the rest of it belonged to, including the man you married.

Or, maybe it was your spouse who first lost sight of his wife, as way too many tend to do. Either way, like it or not, ready or not, here it comes; you have to navigate the daunting landscape of divorce.

Over 50 and facing divorce

If you’re 50 or older and facing divorce, you are not alone. You’re in good company. You are in such good company that the company has its own name, “Gray Divorce.” It’s a reflection of the coveted hair colour we now naturally wear. The colour we embrace along with our imperfections. At last, we’re recognizing our “flaw-some-ness.” (Definition: flawed, but nonetheless awesome.)

Divorce Facts…

While the overall divorce rate in the United States is declining, the divorce rate for people over 50 has roughly doubled since 1996, with women now initiating approximately 69% of divorces.

While the overall divorce rate in the United Kingdom has declined in the last 20 years, the cumulative percentage of marriages ending in divorce by their 25^th wedding anniversary has increased over time, with women initiating the majority of divorces.

Countless articles spout the “challenges” of grey divorce: the division of marital assets, the pensions, the 401(k)s, the IRAs. The potential decline in the quality of life for the wife.

As a divorced baby boomer whose life purpose is to help women (and a few good men) plan for their financial futures by first helping them navigate the daunting landscape of divorce, I’m here to pose some commonsense questions:

When has divorce NOT been a challenge, especially for women?
When, since 1971 (in the US), have marital assets NOT been divided? The retirement accounts NOT been split?
When have women’s lives NOT been more negatively impacted by divorce than men’s lives?

The underlying message in many of these articles is, “Oh, beware, little lady! You may not have it so good if you go through with this.” Or, worse, “Do you really have it all that bad?”

YOU Know What Is Best For YOU…

Makes you want to spit a nail, doesn’t it? Fight the fury, dear friend.

Instead, find a new tribe; a tribe who encourages you to dance your own dance and sing your own song. While clearly many things have changed for the better for women, there will always be those who think they know best. When you encounter these clods who still believe YOU don’t know what’s best for YOU, do what I do: The Big Eye Roll. Granted, I do it so often, that one day I’m afraid I’m going to eye roll myself into another universe, but it’s a risk I gladly take.

My takeaway in this? If, dear friend, the rate in which people over 50 are divorcing is increasing and women initiate the majority of divorces, then this tells me that women are weighing their options and believe the challenges they must overcome for their fresh start are well worth it!

I’m here to help.

Wishing you peace & plenty!

Your grey girlfriend

by Amy Lawson, MBA, CDFA^®, RTTP^®, C. Hyp

Instagram @graygirlfriendsguidetodovorce

Believe in Butterflies! (Or: The Evolution of the Self)

I’m not alone in all of this, or am I?

The stories around midlife are becoming more and diverse. I like reading them! I like the information I get, the tips and hacks to help you get through, the comfort of finding out that the ghosts haunting me are quite common and normal for this time in life, this uplifting feeling from hearing or reading about personal success, and most of all the assurance that I’m not alone in all this. Or am I?

I'm very lucky in that I’ve hardly had any age-related physical problems (yet). Some bloating, swollen ankles, sometimes a bit of breathlessness, dryness in certain places and incontinence -I'm familiar with them, but most of them are under control.

Battling the Dementors

However, I'm battling Dementors! I've been struggling with mood swings, dark moods, a feeling of hopelessness. My family is amazing! My husband just gets on with things, leaves me to it and loves me the way I am, sometimes teases me, that I'm always angry anyway (so basically. I'm the Hulk!). My teenage, young adult, sons have been going through hormonal changes themselves, so they sort of know what's going on.

Work Life

My issue is the other big part of my life: WORK! When I'd finished school, my dad told me that I could study anything I liked, but not arts - the one thing that I've always wanted to do! He thought there was no money in arts. So instead, I studied social work, because I felt (and others told me) that I was "good with people". But later, after a couple of jobs, I decided that what I really wanted to do, was to work with children - and so I did.

First in my native Germany with 3 - 6-year-olds, then I had my own children and moved to England. I consider myself very lucky, as I was able to stay at home with my children until they had nearly finished primary school before I had to go back to work to contribute to our income. I continued where I'd left off: started with childminding from home, then started working in a nursery – SNAP! The trap closed!

I like being in control.

This job is my personal mirror that has helped me to find out who really am, in a rather harsh way. Midlife has changed me: I'm not as patient as I used to be, neither as tolerant nor empathetic with others. My mood swings caused a lot of inner frustration, anger, and irritation, then frustration with myself for not being able to control those feelings. (Ahhh, CONTROL! I like being in control)

Knowledge is Power

I was becoming aware that all of these were quite common signs of menopause, and on the background that my niece was developing an app supporting women through menopause. I started asking a lot of questions, I've been reading a lot about the various symptoms, picking up tips, tricks, hacks, and exercises to cope with them. I read up on midlife in general, how it changes women and their way of thinking about themselves, researched different personality types and trades to find out mine, and learned more and more about myself.

So, who am I?

First: I'm a true introvert. I’ve always been happy in my own company, having just a few close friends, and enjoying going to clubs and parties, but usually making sure that I could leave whenever I wanted. I remember leaving family gatherings without an explanation, to go for a walk-in solitude, before returning, ready for another dose of social interaction. When I became a mum, I struggled with having to be completely devoted to these little creatures that now depended on me, with my husband at work and no social network, in a foreign country, having nowhere in space or time to escape to.

Facing the hormonal rollercoaster

So why on earth would I go back into childcare? To generate income - it was what I knew! At least these children would go back to their parents at the end of the day, right? Little did I know then, how the experiences from work would still spin round and round in my head at home in my supposed safe place, causing me to snap at my kids thereby generating mum guilt to add to the load. The hormonal rollercoaster made what had once been a hard but enjoyable joy unbearable.

Everything has since felt intensified: the noise of the children, the "feel good" music in the background. the structure and pace of daily routines. some people's voices. the brightness of the lights. I tried my best to block out what wasn't needed, and to concentrate on one child or a small group at a time, which led to me missing announcements or when colleagues were talking to me. Sometimes, I couldn't even listen to someone who was talking to my face; I would stare at them in concentration. but somehow the words didn't reach my brain. I went for a hearing test, but everything was fine.

Building a mental health toolkit

So, I decided that it must be the mental effects of menopause and started to establish a daily routine: some mild exercise, a walk with the dog in the morning. Practising mindfulness during my dinner breaks, changing my diet (less caffeine, less alcohol, more plant-based food).

I'd write my gratitude journal , after work on the couch (while binge eating sweets, chocolates, and crisps) before falling asleep in front of the television. The things outside the last brackets have become an invaluable help on my journey!

They are some of the tools in my mental health toolbox.

Exploring the medical route

I also tried the medical route. This resulted in one Dr prescribing me anti-depressants over the phone, because I had confirmed to sometimes having "dark thoughts".

I had been asking about a blood test to check my hormone levels, but he just told me "Well, why check them? We already know that your hormone levels are low!". I did pick up the pills, but I never took them. This was not my way of dealing with my problems! The next GP, this time face to face about a year later, had me trying hormone patches, based on what I had told her about the way I was feeling. I stopped using them, because they didn't feel right either (I felt empty, and I started bleeding again, which I'd stopped about two and a half years earlier). However, these experiences were my eye opener!

I am not ill, I don’t need fixing, I’m absolutely fine!

Using my mental health tool kit and the app and following different life coaches and other amazing people on social media. Reading their stories, posts, and lots of empowering quotes, helped established one thing: I am not ill, I don't need fixing, I'm absolutely fine!

I am an introvert and work best on my own; I work best when I'm not being rushed, left to do things at my own pace (slowly but thoroughly); I work with passion when I'm following my own ideas; I am creative, a maker; I'm strong headed, independent, and determined - That's me!

Falling down the comparison trap

That's not bad material for a self-employed power woman, right? So, why am I not?

And now comes the part that I don't really want to write about, because it makes me feel weak, makes me feel like I'm making excuses, makes me feel Inadequate: first, I want financial security! Then, because my job is too fast paced for me, too full of sensual experiences, of changes and things out of my control, too intensely filled with social interaction, I desperately need winding down time. When I'm at work, I use my toolbox to keep my head over water, but it's at home, where I recharge my batteries. That takes time!

Then, I need time to do fun things and be creative. Can you hear my voice go quieter? Because now, my inner life coach is telling me "Well, if you want to get out of this job, you need to do something about it! No pain, no gain!" And I whisper "Yeah, but if I prepare for self-employment, it'll be another thing on my To Do list, another chore! ... and I don't even know which way to go..." and then I shut up, lost, and confused, comparing myself to all these amazing and interesting power women I'm reading about and meeting online; wondering, where I fit in. This is also me!

The chrysalis inside the cocoon!

Who I really am is the chrysalis inside the cocoon!

I am leaving my caterpillar life behind and slowly transforming, in my own time. I'm chaos, inside, not really knowing where I'II be going or what's going on, but not sleeping or standing still. I'm not sure when I’ll hatch, but I'm busy creating, trying new things, meeting new people, and growing ... into a beautiful butterfly!

I believe in Love, Life,

and the Evolution of the Self!

Words by Claudia Stringfellow

Instagram-@claudia.stringfellow

Facebook- @claudiastringfellow

Published by Rachel Peru in Blog, Inspiring Women

Tags: empowering women, finding confidence, midlife, midlife women, midlifewomen, self development, self evolution, selflove, womensupportingwomen

June 28, 2023

Where do I go from here, where do I start?

A Blog by Zoe Davis

How do I retake control?

I’ve honestly no idea. Life has been like a constant rollercoaster ever since I can remember and the one thing I always assumed I could control was my own mind, body & soul. How wrong was I?

You see life has this way of testing you and it happens in the least expected places at the least expected times. It can knock you for six, throw you to your knees or it can fester deep within you until it rockets out of you in this huge explosion of emotions that you can no longer control.

Sweep it under the carpet

As a child growing up, I learnt the ultimate trick of the trade; how to sweep things under the carpet. I thought it was brillant. Don’t want to deal with it? Sweep it under the carpet. Can I pretend it never happened? Sweep it under that carpet. Can’t control that, sweep it under the carpet. Eventually I realised I didn’t have a big enough carpet. No amount of sweeping was going to get all of what happened to me under that little rug, because that’s in fact what it was, a rug. A rug I so swiftly pulled out from under myself when I decided to do that work on myself.

You see, when you start to work on yourself you start to pull those things out from under that carpet or rug in my case. You start to unpick all those long hidden things that you pretended weren’t happening, didn’t know how to control, didn’t want to deal with……every ounce of you comes falling out from that carpet till eventually it unravels. Sometimes unravelling at such a pace your feet don’t touch the ground and overwhelm and darkness is so great you wonder which part to look at next. Other times it takes a while and then you feel the pieces drop into place. A journey of healing and finally exploring who you are is a Never Ending Story, cliche I know but true.

You start to realise it is quite easy to lose control of many parts of you to fit into society, work, family, friends and social circles. It takes courage to step out and breathe. To admit and to feel the love of who you are.

Who is Zoe?

I am Zoe I am in my early 40’s and it is only now, with many other beautiful humans that I have started to really unpick my life and work on those secret sweeping activities that I had learnt to do from a young age. A glimpse of my life…

I grew up in what was referred to as a “broken” home. Parents separated & remarried. My shoulders carried the secrets and arguments of the past between generations. My childhood was not all smiles & laughter. I quickly understood how to be hyper vigilant in many situations, suppress my anxiety, show my anger in all the wrong ways, pretend things hadn’t happen, cover things up….I also understood that the one thing I could control was my body.

Bullying as a teen in school with severe acne, one of the first to start periods (horrendous ones at that) & braces, all this had pushed me to some dark places, I realised the one thing I could control was my body. I smoked to suppress the need to eat, I ate barely anything in the day and would only eat my evening meal at the family table to avoid anyone knowing. I would often pretend I had made a packed lunch for school taking nothing but a packet of crisps at a push. If I did eat it would be comfort style chocolate, crisps etc.

Burying my head in the sand

As I hit my 20’s I was told by a doctor if I wanted a baby I would need to pile on the weight as at 5ft 6 and 7 and half stone my body was struggling. I had to change, yet my partner at the time didn’t like it, what if I lost my pert boobs & arse. Not a look he was in favour of. I put some weight on and did become pregnant. Yet pregnancies for me weren’t great.

My first pregnancy saw me pile on the weight. I hid and swept all my feelings under that already stuffed rug. I struggled with my weight after and my health as a woman with my periods. 10 years later when I had my second baby I realised I had piled on more weight but couldn’t shift it and during my 2nd pregnancy I had busted my leg so mobility was limited. I used all these as excuses & buried my head in that ostrich hole in the ground called shame. I continued to sweep everything under the carpet including me problematic periods and post natal depression and my overwhelming past. It was a chance encounter with a therapist when my baby was 6 weeks old that ignited that moment when I knew but still fought it for a while, I need to start to unpick and unravel that rug…..that was 7 years ago.

Acceptance of me, just as I am

Since then I’ve learnt a lot about myself, my relationships, boundaries too. I’ve also discovered how to thank and accept my body for what it is, what it can do for me, how it looks & how it feels. My body no longer has pert boobs or rear end. I am no longer a size 8 in clothing more like a size 20/22 give or take. I have a man that appreciates me & my body too.

I am different because I can see how my body has changed & worked with me through teen life, two pregnancies, miscarriages, endometriosis, post natal depression, hysterectomy, car accident, stair accident and much more. I am 41 and now I appreciate my body and accept it more. I’m not going to say I love it entirely as we all have moments we wish things were better. Yet I will say I have a great deal of gratitude for my body, my mind & my soul. I feel more worthy to walk this earth than I have done for many years.

My rug, the new one is slowly being weaved. This however hides nothing under it.

This is now my magic rug that will take me where I want to be. Dream the biggest dreams & live life no longer in secret or darkness.

Dream the biggest dreams &

no longer live your life in secret or darkness

Zoe Davis

www.madcowlife.com

You can find Zoe on Instagram @madcowlife

Published by Rachel Peru in Inspiring Women

Tags: body confident, empowering women, inspiring women, Liberté, Liberte Free to be, Liberté Ltd, midlife, midlife blog, midlife body confidence, midlife stories, midlife women, personal journals, women supporting women, womens blog

September 1, 2022

Grey Hair Do Care!

Your body your rules.

That's what women keep being told, but we still have a long way to go before that really is the case.

To ditch the dye and embrace the grey, or not, has to be ???? a woman’s choice, without fear of judgment on both sides.

The fact that the award winning news anchor Lisa LaFlamme has recently been ousted from her job at Canadian CTV News shortly after ditching the dye appears to be no coincidence. There is obviously more to this situation but it does raise the on going question around sexism and ageism in the workplace.

With reports that a male senior executive questioned "who had approved the decision to let Lisa’s hair go grey?’”. Would this ever be asked about a ‘silver-fox’ man in the same position? LaFlamme is a successful, award winning anchorwoman with a 35 year career at CTV, why does the colour of her hair have any relevance?

Grey hair, do care!

I don’t care what women do with their hair, it’s not our job to have an opinion on anybody else’s appearance but I do care when women feel pressured into making choices about their own bodies based on ageist and sexist pressure in the workplace, by peers and society's outdated expectations.

We have to start questioning and challenging this outdated, damaging narrative and empower women who do want to let their hair go grey with confidence.

The grey hair movement is still pushing forward but at a very slow speed! That's why Annie Stirk and I started Silver & Sassy, because we know all too well from our own experience of going grey how other peoples' opinions can knock your confidence. You can find out more about Silver and Sassy in a previous blog post here

Why does grey hair cause so much discussion?

I'm still surprised how much controversy the grey hair debate can cause amongst a group of women, it's very divisive and it really doesn't have to be. I'm all for women doing what they want with their hair, if they want to keep dyeing it until they're in their 90's because it makes them feel good, then fantastic, do what's right for you.

The problem arises when a woman who would like to embrace their grey hair is talked out of it because of other peoples expectations. When I decided to stop colouring my hair at 46 , I put a post on Facebook and all the comments except one were negative, albeit tongue in cheek but there's always a true word spoken in jest! Comments like "Don't do it, you're too young"; "It will make you look older" or "You're too young to let yourself go" was the common theme of the conversation. Fast forward 6 years and now everyone loves my grey hair and I couldn't imagine it being any different colour.

I feel 100% like my authentic self and that's been liberating.

Old and Grey

How many times have you heard the words "old and grey" together, whether it's song lyrics or in conversation. We have a deep fear around ageing that is ingrained in our society, that grey hair is a visible sign of the ageing process that seems to scare people. We are judged by the colour of our hair and grey is still equated to being old and 'grannyish' which is probably why you'll hear that women are "brave' for ditching the dye so often, because we're going against the grain.

So, who created this narrative in the first place? The haircare industry is worth billions of pounds so it suits those brands to sell us those insecurities and promote hair dyes at every opportunity. If you look back to previous hair brand adverts it's easy to see how they've perpetuated this negative narrative.

Starting with a shocking 1920's advert saying" Decline to be grey as long as youth beats in your heart" along with Clairols 1980's Loving Care advert with the "I'm gonna wash that grey right outta my hair" ditty and you get the picture!

It's interesting to see Dove's response a week after LaFlamme's departure with their #backthegrey social media campaign. We need more brands like this to be committed to breaking down the stereotypical views of beauty to create real change in the industry.

Where are the grey-haired role models?

There are famous women in the film and media world, like Andie McDowell, Dame Judy Dench, Jamie Lee Curtis and of course the fabulous Dame Helen Mirren, who are starting to fly the flag which is great to see but if you look on mainstream TV for women in their 40's and 50's, you will be hard pressed to find any grey haired women cast as role models. I was pleasantly surprised to see Melinda Messenger share a post recently about her own decision to ditch the dye.

"It's taken me 51 years to see that I was always good enough, so I don't want to spend the next years of my life feeling I have to be anything other than just myself. I have finally given myself permission to just be"

I love this sentiment and can totally relate. With this in mind perhaps it really is time for women to take back control of our bodies. Let's make decisions about our own appearance; based on what makes US feel good and not to keep anyone else happy!

Whatever you decide to do with your hair...

Keep being fabulous!

Rachel x

For more grey hair inspiration visit the blog here

You can also listen to Liberte Free to Be Ep. 47 with Jayne Mayled, founder of White Hot Hair and champion of silver haired women.

Published by Rachel Peru in Hair and Beauty

Tags: ageism, beauty, ditchthedye, embracethegrey, empowering women, grey hair, greyhairdontcare, older women

March 22, 2022

How long does it take before you begin to feel like you belong in your own skin?

by Alison Bale

Once upon a time there lived a little girl who did not like being told what to do. And did not feel she fitted in.

To find where she does fit in has taken many years, four career changes, and one change of continent.

How long does it take before you begin to feel like you belong in your own skin? Mid fifties for me. But I get ahead of myself, so let’s fast backwards 25 years.

To a world I barely recognize as I write.

I used to be the woman on the 6am train, putting on her make up on her way to a consulting job in London. I started in publishing, morphed into communication consulting, and now had a job in the city, with a red sports car and a house in the home counties.

But I wasn’t happy. The crux was that the team I’d joined was based 30 minutes from my house. Then we were moved, and the commute became two hours each way. And I wasn’t enjoying the job. What to do?

I only appreciated with hindsight that moving me to London was the best thing the company could have done. It made me so uncomfortable, it forced me to consider what I did want, and make changes.

Specifically, it gave me the impetus to accept I might have to retrain, and I gave myself a deadline – decide what I wanted to do and get it done by the time I was 40. And as if by magic, I chanced across an article about chiropractic for horses.

When I applied, it was as though everything I’d done in my life, from aged 7 onwards (when I started horse riding), had been about being on the road to being here. The poet David Whyte writes that when we look back on our journey, it’s as though the only way we could have traveled was the way we had come. It certainly felt like that.

But retraining as an adult is a huge leap. I had to go freelance from my job – giving up the regular salary when I was the name on the mortgage and was about to get married (I don’t do things by halves). The funny thing is, I discovered that when you commit to a ‘leap of faith’, the universe moves to support you. I’d been asked to have lunch with a former colleague, who’d gone into PR. I still remember sitting opposite her as she said she had a magazine contract to fulfil and asked if I knew any good editors. ‘I’m going freelance tomorrow – will I do?’

Working for myself suited me and somehow the work kept flowing. And the changes in me had a ripple out effect for my husband, who decided he would train in therapy, too. And found a job he loved and has stuck with longer than any other job he’s had. Another lesson, the things you do can have beneficial consequences for others.

But I digress, four years study and I was a human chiropractor, so onwards to the animal course. Well yes, except I didn’t enjoy the animal work when I finally got to it. Strange that the thing that got me onto the path was not what I wanted when I got there. But that was OK, because I love the human work.

That should have been enough big change, eh? But no. Have you ever had a sense that you must do something, and that however risky, if you do not act, you’ll regret it the rest of your life?

In a nutshell, that’s how I came to move to India. I arrived intending to stay three years then go home. That was in 2006! The roller coaster of the last 15 years has seen lots of travel, and lots of work offering chiropractic care to a population with almost no access to it (eight chiropractors for a population of 1.4 billion.

It has been a much more challenging experience than I could have envisaged. India is a very different culture to the one I grew up in – much more chaotic – and I have changed as a result. I used to be an arch planner – less so now.

I’ve gone through peri-menopause and into menopause in India, and with it has come quite a radical change of thinking. For a while I fell out of love with chiropractic. Combination of joint pain, hot flashes, poor sleep, brain fog – none of which help you show up as your best for other people who are in pain.

But there was also a sense that I wanted to do more – specifically move away from a passive intervention towards one that gave people more control over their own minds and bodies. So, in my latest incarnation, I’m teaching mindfulness. And looking to return to the UK.

There’s a lot of talk today about ‘knowing your why’. Mine is ‘leave this world a better place than I found it’. Once you know your ‘why’, I think you can get through anything to deliver it. But I also think how you deliver it can change over time.

I’m ready for my next adventure, my next challenge. I love learning and growing, and am excited to see where the next version of me goes from her.

I’ll close by returning to the poet David Whyte, who says that

"The person who sets out on a journey, the person seeking, is not the person who arrives "

That’s very much true of me.

#midlifewomen #sharingstories #outofthebubble #lifeafter40 #inspiringwomen #personaljournals #stepoutofthebubble #midlifeblog