A Taste of Venice – A Gastronomic Experience with Flavours Holidays

An introduction to Flavours Holidays

There are 2 things Mark and I both love - food and travel. So, when Flavours holidays invited us to experience one of their cooking holidays in Italy, we were delighted. Whilst I love food I’m not known for my culinary skills, Mark finds cooking relaxing whilst I have slowly fallen out of love with being in the kitchen. I was intrigued and a little apprehensive to see if this experience would inspire me back to cooking, and if I was up to the job. The fact that we were also going to experience all this in Venice was the icing on the cake.

Venice is without doubt, one of the most iconic and beautiful cities anywhere in the world.

Images of gondolas, ancient bridges spanning narrow canals, coffee shops, gelato vendors, restaurants, tourists thronging St Mark’s Square gazing up at the Basilica Di San Marco all spring to mind; it’s all this plus so much more. However, our first stop was not this world-famous city. We arrived at Venice Marco Polo airport and were picked up by our driver who took us to our Villa accommodation in Treviso , for the start of our culinary experience with Flavours Holidays.

We hadn’t tried this type of interactive holiday before and didn’t really know what to expect but were made to feel so welcome by our hosts Vanessa and Antonella and the other guests; it really was like meeting up with old friends. From the moment we stepped through the villa doors we were made to feel welcome and by the end of the first evening meal we had bonded with our fellow travellers. The group was a mixture of solo travellers and another couples, and we quickly got to know one another. We love meeting new people and it was interesting finding out more about their lives over the next few days together.

Waking up and opening the bedroom shutters to a beautful and peaceful garden was just perfect. A morning stroll around the garden soaking it all in and slowing life down was just what we needed. Our cookery teacher and owner of the villa Vanessa made us feel at home and welcomed us all in to the kitchen. This trip included 3 cookery lessons which were very relaxed with a good mix of demonstration and hands on experience.

The Veneto region is the birthplace of Tiramisu, so of course our first morning was spent learning how to make this delicious dessert. I’m not going to give away the recipe or any secret ingredients here but trust me when I say it was exquisite!

After a relaxing long lunch, we headed out to visit one of the many prosecco vineyards. A perfect opportunity to take in the beautiful surroundings as well as learning more about the origins of one of our favourite drinks. Prosecco originates from this area, produced from nine provinces known as a Denominazione di Origine Controllata; when you see DOC or DOCG on a bottle of Prosecco, you know it is from this region and can be sure of its quality. We visited the Giusti Wine vineyard in the afternoon to see the process of growing and producing wines and prosecco.

The tour was informative and fun with the opportunity to try different types of their wine grown in the local region.

Nothing felt like too much trouble on this trip and our Flavours holiday host Antonella took care of every detail so it never felt rushed, we could simply be in the moment and not worry about anything.

As you can imagine on a cookery holiday, there were many delicious dishes to try and Vanessa’s modern approach to old Italian classics were stunning, not only delicious but so beautifully presented. There is something special about experiencing food that is made by someone who is so clearly passionate about their cooking.

The day trip to Venice was something we had both been looking forward to and it didn’t disappoint. One of the things I really liked about the Flavours holiday was how relaxed everything felt, there was no pressure to do everything as a group 24hrs a day. If you want to break off and explore Venice on your own there are plenty of opportunities. After finding our bearings in the morning, we enjoyed meandering the streets, exploring the many alleys and ancient bridges spanning the canal.

Stepping away from the tourist hot spots, we enjoyed lunch at a typical Bacaro, the Venetian version of tapas, in the heart of the city, where the locals like to lunch. Venice is as beautiful as you would expect, it really is like walking around an old film set, truly magical. In hindsight we wished we had pre-booked a visit to the Basilica di San Marco and the Doges Palace as the queues are very long, but unfortunately, we didn’t have enough time. We have a good excuse to go back and visit now though!

We left Venice in style as Antonella had organised a private speed boat for us to take us back to our car which was a real treat; the views of the city from the water are spectacular. This was a real highlight for the whole group, everyone loved it.

Our last evening meal was another gastronomical treat, it really felt like we were eating at a Michelin star restaurant. We loved the interaction between our Flavours Holiday host Antonella and chef Vanessa as they joined us at the table to share the experience as we found out more about Venetian and Italian life.

We both loved this experience and can imagine trying cookery holidays at different locations now as it’s such a great way to explore new places and meet like-minded people. We’re already planning to host an Italian dinner party and show off my new cookery skills, including Aperol Spritz Panna Cotta and who knew Shrimp and Strawberry risotto would taste so good!

A huge thank-you to Flavours Holidays for the invitation.

A Taste of Venice

Mark & Rachel Peru

June 2024

hEps://www.flavoursholidays.co.uk/cooking-holidays-in-italy/venice-short-break/

Published by Rachel Peru in Blog, Travel

Tags: activity holiday, cooking holiday, flavours holidays, venice

February 5, 2024

Movement for Longevity by Sarah Clough

Meet The Woman Determined to Help us All to Live Longer, Better: Sarah Clough

My name is Sarah Clough and I’m a Pilates teacher and The Movement For Longevity Coach…

My life now is a far cry from my 20’s (spent living in Japan, travelling, and setting up a fashion business), my 30s (spent living and working in Zambia, and setting up an NGO), my 40s (setting up another fashion business and becoming a mother)...

… and then hitting rock bottom.

Life had been the proverbial roller coaster and as I approached my 50s I knew things had to change.

I was worn out, disengaged with life and struggling with aches and pains. Countless appointments with doctors, lots of medications, scans, seeking out different treatments, were not getting me anywhere. One Doctor actually told me it was only to be expected as I got older.

At this point all I could think was “Really? Is this it?”

But fate has a funny way of working and thankfully at this time we went on a holiday that was to change my life.

How a random conversation with a stranger sparked the first steps to becoming the Movement Longevity Coach.

Telling her I had a dream to become a Pilates teacher (something I’d never dared voice to anyone else for fear of being laughed at) was my catalyst.

That was all it took to realise the only thing holding me back was not my age or ability, but my mindset…

Fast forward and at 50 I retrained and opened up a Pilates Studio at home. When I outgrew that I opened up a bigger one.

Embracing Life Changes

At 57 life changed for us all (2020 - we all remember that!). I closed down my brick and mortar business and had to learn a new way of working which embraced technology and teaching live classes online. (Who says we are too old to learn new things?).

At 59 I became a movement and longevity coach and launched an online programme for women struggling with lower back pain. For women who want to get back to being active once again, only this time feeling stronger, more resilient and with more energy than ever.

My life after 60

And at 60 I can honestly tell you that I am stronger, have more energy and a greater passion for life than ever. Getting older and getting old are two very different things.

I tell you this because I want to inspire you to take action. I don’t want you to accept anything less than you deserve.

My mission in life is to help as many women as possible achieve healthy longevity .

However ‘healthy longevity’ has become a bit of a buzz phrase - often discussed in relation to tech billionaires, like Bryan Johnson, who captured headlines with his extensive biohacking regimen.

Johnson’s entire day is structured and involves 100 different protocols. From getting up at 4.30am to complete his 2 and half hour long morning routine which includes taking dozens of pills and supplements, doing 35 carefully planned exercises and eating exactly 1977 calories every single day.

The Alternative

On the other side of the spectrum is a world of wellness which is well within the reach of all of us. Simple, enjoyable, and cost-effective practices that can easily be incorporated into our daily lives that significantly impact our wellbeing.

‘Fortune Well’ recently reported the results of The Rejuvenation Olympics - an online competition that tracks and ranks about 4000 participants in terms of their biological ageing.

“Sisters Are Doing It for Themselves”

At No 2 in the Rejuvenation Olympics is a 55 year old single mother from Phoenix, Julie Gibson Clark, who eats a plant based diet, exercises, and meditates. Her biggest health expenditures are a $27-a-month gym membership and a $79-a-month supplement subscription.
No. 5 on the list is 63 year old Amy Hardison, who says it’s about eating healthily, keeping moving, and staying connected to others to combat the health risks of loneliness.
No. 6 on the list is 46 year old Byran Johnson, who spends approximately $2 million a year on his biohacking regime.

Be A Part Of A Quiet Revolution:Movement for Longevity

There is a quiet revolution going on. Ordinary women like you and me who are not buying into an outdated view of women as we get older.

Women who are challenging the status quo and inspiring younger generations to do the same.
Women who know that challenging themselves physically and intellectually is necessary to reduce the risks of age-related diseases like type 2 diabetes, heart disease, dementia…
Women who believe that we can slow down or even reverse the ageing process and in so doing thrive.
Women who are fulfilling their dreams.

The thing that sets these women apart is that they understand they cannot outsource their health. They understand that looking after themselves is not selfish but an absolute necessity.

Movement for Longevity: My top tips for living the life you want to live

Factor 'moments of joy’ into every day . Maybe a freshly brewed cup of coffee, chatting to a friend, doing a meditation, picking some flowers, lighting a candle, reading a book…
Take a brisk walk (in the morning if possible)
Do breathwork daily such as ‘Box Breathing’. (Inhale for a count of 4, hold for a count of 4, exhale for a count of 4, hold for a count of 4)
Practise ‘Time Restricted Eating’ (fasting overnight for 12 hours)
Do 20 squats every single day. (If you’re not sure how to do them correctly check out my YouTube video: Perfect Your Squats)
Share your dreams … and they are more likely to become a reality.

Your daily habits are like the pixels in a photograph. On their own they seem small and insignificant. See them all together and you have a picture bursting with colour and life.

What does this all add up to?

Living longer and better is not rocket science. All it takes is a bit of focus and commitment.

Understand the key components and do them every day and not only will you be healthier but you’ll be happier too.

To get more tips, advice and support follow me on Instagram | Facebook | YouTube or visit www.sarahclough.co.uk and join the tribe of women re-defining getting older!

Published by Rachel Peru in Body Confidence, Health & Wellbeing

Tags: get active, healthy lifestyle, healthyliving, libertefreetobe, libertefreetobe blog, life after 60, live longer, live longer better, longevity, midlife women, movement, movement for longevity, Sarah Clough

October 21, 2023

The Power of Connection: Find Your Midlife Magic

Find Your Midlife Magic

We recently had the privilege of hosting the "Find Your Midlife Magic” event, where over 100 women from across Yorkshire gathered at the beautiful Goldsborough Hall near Knaresborough. The day was a celebration, a frank discussion, and a whole lot of fun.

In a world where youth often take the spotlight, there’s a quiet revolution happening. It’s a movement of incredible women who are coming together to navigate the unique challenges they face in midlife and beyond. That’s why I love the instagram community which feels like being part of an army of strong and interesting women cheering one another on. But you can't beat one to one connections and live events.

A room full of women sharing their experiences, their wisdom, and their stories, shining a light on the 45-plus generation and how growing older impacts women. But it wasn’t just about personal growth; it was also about giving back. The event managed to raise an incredible £1,420 for the Little Princess Trust, an organization that provides real hair wigs for children who’ve lost their hair due to health conditions, such as cancer treatment.

Speakers tackled a wide range of topics, from society’s expectations of older women to mental and physical well-being, style, hair, and fashion. The diversity of discussions reflected the rich tapestry of experiences and challenges faced by midlife women.

The idea behind “Find Your Midlife Magic” came from a place of friendship. Annie Stirk, Bernadette Gledhill, Christine Talbot, and myself had often worked together over the years and were all experiencing the unique challenges of midlife, which we often shared over a coffee.. Annie and I had first met when we organised our Silver & Sassy event, another inspiring day dedicated to celebrating women with grey, white and silver hair. I would always leave feeling better from seeing them and that’s what friendship and women supporting women should be about.

Keeping it real with Gaynor Faye

One of the event’s highlights was when Emmerdale and Fat Friends star Gaynor Faye shared her journey publicly for the first time. She spoke to Christine about her life after the sudden loss of her mother, the acclaimed screen and stage writer Kay Mellor. Gaynor’s determination to continue her mother’s legacy and her directorial debut plans for the stage tour of The Syndicate were truly inspirational.

Midlife is often referred to as the “sandwich generation”, who find themselves “sandwiched” between the responsibilities of caring for aging parents or elderly relatives on one side and raising or providing support for their own children on the other. Older women, in particular, may be more commonly associated with the sandwich generation due to their roles as caregivers and nurturers. Lots of women could relate to Gaynor Faye’s honest conversation.

The power of sharing stories

Motivational speaker Lisa Clifford wowed the audience with her famous “arrow challenge,” campaigner Manraj Sanghera spoke about her life-changing experience following the loss of her son, and broadcaster and writer Dr. Jane Gilbert answered the audience’s health queries which went down well with the audience.

The event was a platform for sharing stories, challenges, and triumphs.

Midlife Magic Makeovers

Two lucky women, Becky Capstick from York, and Linda Thompson from Wakefield won a makeover competition organised by Fashion journalist Stephanie Smith at the Yorkshire Post, We had over 80 entries and it was so hard to choose, all with a common them of feeling invisible and a little lost later in life. With the help of celebrity stylist Andrew Barton and British Hairdresser of the Year Rob Eaton and the personal styling team at John Lewis in Leeds, they were transformed, gaining a new look and newfound confidence. Their stories were heart-warming, showcasing the power of transformation and self-belief. Seeing Becky and Linda bond together behind the scenes was really special and watching their confidence grow throughout the day was exactly what we’d hoped for.

Annie summed up our day beautifully, saying, “We feel we created something very special today. You could feel it in the room. Everything we did today was born out of our own strong friendship, which is something we really value, and it was wonderful to share that with so many lovely, fun, and empathetic women.”

The power of women supporting women

The event was indeed a magical day of friendship, inspiration, and love. It was a reminder that age is just a number, and midlife is not a hurdle but an opportunity to thrive. Find Your Midlife Magic was more than an event; it was a testament to the strength of connection and the importance of supporting one another on this incredible journey of life.

Find Your Midlife Magic was a great reminder that midlife is our time to shine, and together, we can create our own magic.

Come and follow our journey over on instagram @finyourmilifemagic & Facebook

Age is just a number, and in midlife, old is indeed bold.

Until the next one,

Keep being fabulous

Rachel x

Photography @Kate Mallender

Published by Rachel Peru in Blog, Inspiring Women

Tags: find your midlife magic, midlife event, midlife women, sandwich generation, women supporting women

August 24, 2023

My Sixties Have Been the Best Decade Ever.

Life after 60

When I was ten, I realized that I would still be alive for the year 2000. That was exciting for about a minute—until it dawned on me that by then I would be in my forties. “Never mind,” I thought, “that’s so old I might as well be dead.”

I was raised on a steady diet of Disney princesses (young, lovely, and passive) and Disney villains (evil, aggressive older women). So it is no wonder I internalised gendered ageism by an early age and took a long time to outgrow it. Turning forty was depressing. By fifty I began to see the ageism thing as a bit of a hype. And by sixty I was through my second divorce, had resumed dating and was writing erotica about Women of a Certain Age. My sixties have been the best decade ever.

The secret society of women over sixty

My children were grown, I was about to retire, and life was grand. I joined the secret society of women over sixty whose members enjoy more freedom than at any time in decades. It turns out retirement is rather like college—if college did not include homework or tests.

As I write, I’m on the edge of turning seventy: the perfect moment to reflect on why this decade of the sixties has been so great.

First, there is time.

Not everyone has the privilege of retirement. And some of us are caretakers of grandchildren or ill spouses or much older parents. But for many of us, including me, the children have flown from the nest and work diminishes or ends. Those of us who had to mount a pitched battle to take two weeks off per year now enjoy grand vistas of time. Did we envy the independently wealthy? Suddenly we possess the most important thing they have: Control of our time. It is like being let out of a cage.

Second, there is indifference.

Do you worry about what people think of you? Whether you are cool? Whether you are dressed for success? Do you walk the narrow line between feminine/passive and masculine/aggressive, seeking the perfect level of assertiveness? In my sixties, I achieved the quasi-nirvana of not giving a flying fig.

Third, there is a new level of self-care.

I go for a long walk every day. I lift weights, I dance in my nightgown, I read all the books on my TBR list, and I volunteer for projects that are near and dear to me. And, equally important for self-care, I keep an Anti-Bucket List of things I am no longer willing to do. Top of the list: No high heels ever again.

Fourth, there is romance and sexuality.

Contrary to how we are socialized, we can just keep going as long as we like. As Maggie Kuhn, founder of the Gray Panthers, once said, “Learning and sex until rigor mortis.” When we date in our sixties we may end up kissing several frogs before finding a prince; yet it is definitely a worthwhile endeavor. I was 62 when I met my terrific partner through an online dating site. I recommend Joan Price’s book, Naked at Our Age, for more on this topic.

Fifth, there is the return to creativity.

I set aside my passionate desire to write books when I became a full-time worker and a mother. I’m not alone; many of us turn away from the creative joys of our youth when we grow up. Even when we have time, it’s easy to judge ourselves about the pastimes that bring us joy—as if play needed to meet a certain standard. Making peace with our Inner Critic is one of the key developmental tasks of our sixties.

As I write my own fiction and teach workshops about playful writing, I see women reclaim ourselves through creativity. It’s the most magical gift of my sixties. By following our passions—whether writing or painting or learning about dinosaurs—we fully inhabit our vivid lives, which are completely different than the stereotype of women in our sixties. And when we share our creativity, through publication, through showing our paintings in galleries, we push back on the negative social narrative about women our age.

Savour each day for the privilege it is.

My sixties have been a grand adventure, and I treasure every memory of this marvellous decade. How much longer the ride will last is impossible to know, but I plan to live in joy as long as I can. My resolution as I transition to my seventies is to savor each day for the privilege it is.

Written by Stella Fosse

https://www.instagram.com/stella.fosse/

https://www.facebook.com/StellaFosseAuthor/

https://www.linkedin.com/in/StellaFosse/

Published by Rachel Peru in Inspiring Women

Tags: empowering women, inspiringwomen, life after 60, life after retirement, nevertoolate, nevertooold, nowrongage, women over 60

August 10, 2023

How to face our fears and do it anyway.

Liberté Free to Be in conversation with mental health expert, Miranda Arieh.

One of the key subjects that came out of our conversation was the theme of how to face our fears and do it anyway. How can we let go of past thought patterns that so often hold us back in midlife?

I first met ⁠Miranda Arieh⁠ as we both stood nervously outside BBC Radio Leeds before we entered another round of the “New Voices” presenter competition. I managed to make it to the final 5 but they were only taking 2 presenters and it wasn’t meant to be. It was a great opportunity to learn more about the world of radio and presenting ⁠and whilst some may have seen it as a failure, I saw it as a great opportunity and I'm now on my 134th podcast interview so I think it turned out ok. Miranda is now regularly heard on Radio Leeds sharing her work around mental health and I have loved following her ever since.

⁠Miranda Arieh⁠ is an award-winning mental health activist, public speaker and spiritual coach from Leeds, UK.

Following a lengthy stay in an adolescent psychiatric unit at 14 years old, Miranda learned first-hand how cold the world of mental health treatment can be and set out to learn a better way to alleviate her suffering. She went on course after course, devoured books by spiritual teachers, and decided to dedicate her life to transforming her attitudes, trigger reactions and life-long patterns. Sure enough, she started to recognize that all the triggers she felt were an opportunity for spiritual growth and began to enjoy the process of learning of getting to know herself, befriend herself, hold herself.

After over a decade of finding her feet and securing roles at some of the country's leading mental health charities, including Mind, Community Links and Time to Change, Miranda started to be invited to share her story up and down the country at mental health conferences, awareness-raising events, and on radio and television.

The foundation of all the work that Miranda does has self-compassion at the core as a ‘bridge’ to practising presence and being able to live in the present moment.

Practising presence is the essence of inner peace.

One of the key subjects that came out of our conversation was the theme of how to face our fears and let go of past thought patterns that so often hold us back in midlife.

How Miranda faces her own fears

“I'm living within a theme in my life at the moment of feeling the fear and doing it anyway, and I'm living within this theme in my life of acknowledging that courage is not the absence of fear. So, I could feel scared every day, but I do it anyway. It's this acknowledgement of acting, taking the steps towards what I want to do and what I want my life to look like and how I want to be and show up in this world.

Regardless of how scared I feel. For so long in my life, I lived with this so called protector in me, holding me back from doing what I really want. It created the illusion that I was safe in my comfort zone, that the comfort zone is very overrated.

We need to step out of that if we really want to expand in this world.

And it's not until I've hit my 40s and now, I seek out opportunities, even though it scares the hell out of me sometimes, but the rewards if you've done it are definitely worth. Facing my fears and doing it anyway.

Here are some of Miranda’s tips on learning how to face our fears and do it anyway, with self-compassion.

In the complicated tapestry of life, there’s a recurring theme that we all encounter: the dance between fear and action. In this midlife transformative phase, marked by wisdom and experience, we find ourselves at a crossroads — the crossroads of feeling the fear and doing it anyway.(If you haven’t read the back by Susan Jeffers, I definitely recommend it)

Miranda reminds us that courage, as we often hear, is not the absence of fear; it’s the audacity to proceed in the face of it. Miranda eloquently unravels the essence of this mantra. With her insights, we explored how midlife becomes a canvas for untamed aspirations and boundless potential, fuelled by facing our fears head-on and embracing new opportunities.

Acknowledge the Fear, Take the Leap

As we embrace our 40s and beyond, a realization dawns upon us — the comfort zone acts as a cocoon, and the real magic unfolds beyond its cosy confines. The tapestry of life becomes richer when we dare to unravel the threads of fear that once held us captive. Miranda reminds us that every aspiration, every dream, every longing resides on the other side of fear.

The Courageous Act of Letting Go

Midlife unfurls not just as a quest for new knowledge, but as an awakening of self-discovery through letting go. It’s a time to peel back layers, an endeavour to become the best version of ourselves. Miranda encourages us to shed the remnants of past conditioning, to embrace the unravelling, to rediscover the essence that resides within.

“I love the word unravelling because it is almost about peeling back the layers of everything we're not. To be our best version of ourselves, you know, we hear this terminology, ‘be the best version of you’, we don't have to become anything new, we don’t have to acquire anything new, we have to let go of everything that we're not.”

Many women in midlife years will suddenly start going, Okay, I'm full enough. I'm full. What do I want to let go off? What do I want to release? How do I want to unravel? It's this delayering, the peeling and shedding layers of conditioning and these protection mechanisms built to protect us. Like I said at the beginning, they don't really protect us at all. Part of that is embracing and stepping out of the comfort zone.’’

Navigating Relationships

As we evolve, so do our relationships. Midlife beckons us to grow together or to part ways with those whose frequencies no longer resonate with our journey. Miranda highlights that reactions from others often mirror their own inner struggles.

“One of the common things that people say in my coaching is “I suddenly don't want to hang around my friends anymore, I suddenly don't want to be around the same people anymore as I used to’’, because they're shifting so much that they might not be aligned anymore.

I guess when it comes to other people's reactions, some people can have odd reactions, because they might feel bad about themselves. One of the first things is to recognise that it's not personal, that if somebody's having a bad reaction to you, they might be fearing that they're going to lose you because they see you growing and expanding. We don't have to take it personally to recognise that the other person might be in suffering on some level themselves.”

Boundaries

Boundaries are very important, and it is something that's kind of bashed about a lot on social media, like a buzz phrase, isn't it? I would always say that to put ourselves first or to hold self-compassionate practice is not selfish at all. Because the kinder that we are to ourselves, the more nourishing we are in that relationship to ourselves.”

The Power of Self-Compassion

Miranda extends a gentle invitation to embark on a journey of self-compassion. It starts with acknowledging the conversation we hold within, the self-talk that either uplifts or diminishes us. “All we need to do with this practice is become very, very aware of what we're saying to ourselves in our heads, we all have a voice in our heads that can either be tearing down, or building us up"

Through this awareness, we can start to transform, letting the light shine through the crevices of self-doubt. Self-compassion is far from selfish, it's a tool to empower ourselves.

‘’There's nothing selfish about self-compassionate practice, there's nothing selfish about putting yourself first.’’

Rediscovering the Self

‘’Amidst the hustle and bustle of life, we often forget to ask ourselves simple yet profound questions: What do I truly like? Which clothes do I like to wear? Who do I want to be? Where do I want to go with my life?”

I know that’s what I found when I went through divorce at 40, I had to spend time reconnecting with myself and really thinking about some of those seemingly basic questions.

Midlife invites us to reconnect with our passions, to find solace in our own company, and to venture into the realm of possibilities. Through the magic of rediscovery, we embrace the limitless potential that beckons us, echoing Persian poet Rumi’s poignant reminder that ‘what we seek is also seeking us.’

Embracing Fear as a Gateway to Triumph

Miranda’s own life experiences resonate deeply with those moments when we stand on the precipice of our dreams, hearts racing, palms sweaty, yet resolute in our determination to forge ahead. She shares her experience of diving into her long-cherished dream of hosting a radio show on Radio Leeds, which came to fruition during Mental Health awareness week this year. ‘Sometimes it's when we're getting our biggest dreams, we expect them to feel good in the body. Right? Great, which it does now, of course, but it felt so frightening. Even though of course, I was excited, I was elated, but I also felt so terrified. But I did it anyway. ‘

Amidst the swirl of nerves and exhilaration, she surrenders to the fear, recognising that fear need not be banished, but rather, embraced as a companion on the journey. The result? Triumph, elation, and a powerful revelation that we are indeed capable of achieving our dreams, even in the face of fear. I still remember that feeling when I took my first tandem skydive and faced my fear of heights. I was terrified as we sat on the edge of the plane ready to jump, but that feeling of pure elation and pride afterwards was so worth it, if only we could bottle it.

‘I’ve spoken to so many women who were afraid to take certain steps, because they're terrified of the beating they're going to give themselves if they fail.’

You tried, you did your best and that will always be good enough

‘If we know that if we fall over, we've got a self within us that's going to go "you tried, you did your best". If we can rely on that relationship within ourselves. When we can trust ourselves enough to know that we've got our own backs, we are a lot more able to try new things.’

In the mosaic of midlife, we find ourselves stepping into a realm where fear is no longer an obstacle but can become a guide. Miranda reminds us that the power to feel the fear and do it anyway resides within us all. As we navigate the uncharted waters of this transformative phase, let us remember that every step taken in the presence of fear is a step closer to the extraordinary life that awaits on the other side.

So, embrace the fear.

Say yes to new opportunities.

Let your midlife journey be a testament to the indomitable spirit within.

Feel the fear and do it anyway!

Listen to the full podcast episode:

https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/libertefreetobe/episodes/Ep-134-Self-compassion-is-Key-with-award-winning-mental-health-activist-Miranda-Arieh-e2660f1

https://mirandaarieh.co.uk

When was the last time you stepped out of your comfort zone and faced your fears?

We'd love to hear about it - leave a comment below.

Keep being fabulous

Rachel x

Published by Rachel Peru in Health & Wellbeing

Tags: embracing midlife, facing your fears, feel the fear, Liberté blog, Liberte Free to be, midlifewomen, self compassion, womensupportingwomen

August 3, 2023

The Autistic Joyologist – You Are Limitless

By Nikki Butler, The Autistic Joyologist.

An autism and ADHD diagnosis at 45 and major spinal surgery 12 months ago that resulted in permanent nerve damage, has led me to rethink and realign my life and launch The Autistic Joyologist.

I had a complete career change at 40, after what I now know was an autistic and ADHD burnout at 36, causing me to leave my legal management career behind. I entered the world of entrepreneurship at 37 and have been running a multi-award winning business for the last 7.5 years. An autism and ADHD diagnosis at 45 and major spinal surgery 12 months ago that resulted in permanent nerve damage, has led me to rethink and realign my life and launch The Autistic Joyologist.

The beauty of doing this in my 40’s, and with my autism and ADHD diagnosis, is having the confidence and clarity to be able to create a life that is fulfilling and successful on MY terms.

When life simultaneously makes sense and falls apart -

Being diagnosed as autistic ADHD in my mid 40’s was life changing. On the one hand, my entire life started to make sense. On the other hand, it was like someone had thrown a grenade into the middle of my life, leaving me bewildered and shaken. Realising that my life was not exactly supporting my neurodivergent self - I was like a rabbit in the headlights.

As I processed my diagnosis I rode a rollercoaster of emotions. I felt angry, sad, confused and resentful that nobody had noticed sooner. But, I also felt immense self compassion, pride and hope. The latter won, I am pleased to say!

My spinal surgery, whilst removing the risk of paralysis I’d been faced with, left me with permanent nerve damage. Living in chronic pain and running a skin and scar clinic were not a match made in heaven, and I was only able to return to work part time.

The gift of space and grace -

I’ve always felt the Universe gives me a little nudge (or big shove!) when I need to make changes in my life. I decided to see this time as an opportunity to reflect on my life, and make new choices to support my neurodivergent self. I reflected, I researched and tried to find ways to make changes to my working life that would better support me, but I hit panic mode. I’d created an outwardly successful life, but inwardly I lived in a state of panic and overwhelm. I didn’t know how to change my life, and all the resources available didn’t seem to have the answers.

Reconnecting with myself -

When I left corporate life, I’d spent a lot of time connecting to my core values and dreams. I revisited those audiobooks, and I started again.

As I listened, I realised in horror that I had not been living my life by my core values at all. I had spent my life being a prolific people pleaser and assessing my worth on how much use I’d been to others. From that moment, I decided that my life would be centred around my values. I would live them each day, and build a life that allowed me to thrive and be successful on my own terms.

RADIATE -

As I aligned my life and made the changes, I felt immense inner peace. I was recalibrating. I didn’t want to lose this feeling, or be drawn back into living up to societal expectations of success. And my RADIATE model was born! I created a model that I can use to stay connected to my values, play to my strengths, advocate for myself and create clear boundaries - all to set me up for a thriving and successful life, on MY terms! I’ve used it to transform my whole life, step by step, and I use it to stay connected and in alignment.

Sharing is caring -

Feeling the calmest and happiest I’ve ever felt, I knew I wanted to share this with other women like me. Other women who wish their life could be different, but feel like it’s too late to make changes, too late to lead a life that they actually enjoy. And so I stepped out as ‘The Autistic Joyologist’, supporting others to thrive and shine, as their true authentic selves. It feels so special to be sharing my RADIATE programme, because I know how much it’s enabled me to transform my life. It’s exciting to be able to share that with other women, too.

Being bold, brave, and seen! -

The truth is, The Autistic Joyologist is on a mission! As late diagnosed women, we are transforming our own lives, so we can lead fulfilling and happy lives, but we are blazing a trail of glory for our younger generations of autistic ADHD girls. Smashing apart outdated stereotypes and creating a brighter and happier future for those that follow in our footsteps. It’s never too late to create a life that lights you up, and enables you to be your beautiful, brilliant and authentic self!

To find out more about me please visit, The Autistic Joyologist - https://www.autisticjoyologist.co.uk/ or connect with me via Nikki Butler - The Autistic Joyologist (@autisticjoyologist) and Facebook

Published by Rachel Peru in Health & Wellbeing, Inspiring Women

Tags: autism and ADHD, confidence in midlife, inspiring women, midlife blog, midlifewomen, nevertoolate, nowrongage, the Autistic Joyologist, women over 40, womensupportingwomen

July 27, 2023

Grey and Divorcing? You’re in Good Company!

I do

When you walked down the aisle and vowed to “love, honor and cherish” you could not envision the day would come when you would be facing divorce. (It is noteworthy that we once vowed to “love, honor, and obey” but after centuries of smirks and downright refusal, “cherish” replaced “obey” as the transitive verb of choice.)

Sure, as you said, “I Do,” you knew there would be hardships and hurdles, but you truly believed there was nothing the two of you couldn’t overcome.

Then Life Happened…

Career conflicts, mortgage payments, kids and their countless accouterment, college funds to fill and aging parents to care for, not to mention menopause. You’re not quite sure when you stopped being you, but you woke up one morning, looked in the mirror and didn’t recognize yourself. Yeah, maybe there was a hint of that hopeful girl in your face, but you had no idea who the rest of it belonged to, including the man you married.

Or, maybe it was your spouse who first lost sight of his wife, as way too many tend to do. Either way, like it or not, ready or not, here it comes; you have to navigate the daunting landscape of divorce.

Over 50 and facing divorce

If you’re 50 or older and facing divorce, you are not alone. You’re in good company. You are in such good company that the company has its own name, “Gray Divorce.” It’s a reflection of the coveted hair colour we now naturally wear. The colour we embrace along with our imperfections. At last, we’re recognizing our “flaw-some-ness.” (Definition: flawed, but nonetheless awesome.)

Divorce Facts…

While the overall divorce rate in the United States is declining, the divorce rate for people over 50 has roughly doubled since 1996, with women now initiating approximately 69% of divorces.

While the overall divorce rate in the United Kingdom has declined in the last 20 years, the cumulative percentage of marriages ending in divorce by their 25^th wedding anniversary has increased over time, with women initiating the majority of divorces.

Countless articles spout the “challenges” of grey divorce: the division of marital assets, the pensions, the 401(k)s, the IRAs. The potential decline in the quality of life for the wife.

As a divorced baby boomer whose life purpose is to help women (and a few good men) plan for their financial futures by first helping them navigate the daunting landscape of divorce, I’m here to pose some commonsense questions:

When has divorce NOT been a challenge, especially for women?
When, since 1971 (in the US), have marital assets NOT been divided? The retirement accounts NOT been split?
When have women’s lives NOT been more negatively impacted by divorce than men’s lives?

The underlying message in many of these articles is, “Oh, beware, little lady! You may not have it so good if you go through with this.” Or, worse, “Do you really have it all that bad?”

YOU Know What Is Best For YOU…

Makes you want to spit a nail, doesn’t it? Fight the fury, dear friend.

Instead, find a new tribe; a tribe who encourages you to dance your own dance and sing your own song. While clearly many things have changed for the better for women, there will always be those who think they know best. When you encounter these clods who still believe YOU don’t know what’s best for YOU, do what I do: The Big Eye Roll. Granted, I do it so often, that one day I’m afraid I’m going to eye roll myself into another universe, but it’s a risk I gladly take.

My takeaway in this? If, dear friend, the rate in which people over 50 are divorcing is increasing and women initiate the majority of divorces, then this tells me that women are weighing their options and believe the challenges they must overcome for their fresh start are well worth it!

I’m here to help.

Wishing you peace & plenty!

Your grey girlfriend

by Amy Lawson, MBA, CDFA^®, RTTP^®, C. Hyp

Instagram @graygirlfriendsguidetodovorce

The Route YC – A Yorkshire Coast Experience

The Route YC – What's on Your Doorstep?

The Summer Holidays are just about upon us. Holidays abroad for families can sometimes be incredibly expensive, so why not look at something a little closer to home, after all the UK is simply full of amazing visitor attractions and activities.

Staying in the UK should also help the impact of air travel on our environment, help local businesses in particular and boost our economy in these uncertain times.

And what about something off the beaten track, maybe a location or experience you hadn’t thought of before?

The Route YC (Yorkshire Coast) website says “Are you ready to embark on a new adventure? Look no further than Route YC, the ultimate guide to exploring everything that today's Yorkshire Coast has to offer. Whether you prefer cruising along scenic drives and sailing through crystal clear waters or getting your adrenaline pumping with thrilling bike rides and hikes, this old coast is brimming with excitement, just waiting to be discovered.”

Well, this sounds right up our street!

The Scarborough Route

We set off early to reach our first destination, The North Yorkshire Water Park in Wykeham, Scarborough. Originally a location for specialist fishing, 2017 saw the addition of an aqua park and a range of activities suitable for everyone. From kayaking and paddle boarding, zip-lining and climbing to less strenuous activities like cycling or walking. They have a great, dog friendly café; there really is something for everyone.

We tried our hand at paddle boarding for the very first time; take it from us, it’s great fun but definitely not as easy as some people make it look – be prepared to get wet!

North Yorkshire Water Park

Zipline & Climb

Ready for Paddle Boarding

https://www.northyorkshirewaterpark.co.uk

We stopped for lunch at Bolli’s Tea Room, a lovely little spot in Wykeham just off the A170 Pickering Road and a good place to stop for a break and to stretch your legs.

I can highly recommend the ploughman’s lunch!

Wykeham Village

Bolli's Tea Room

Ploughman's

https://www.bollistearooms.co.uk

Accommodation for our trip was the East Ayton Lodge B&B, a charming 18^th Century country manor house, set in the attractive rural village of East Ayton in the North Yorkshire National Park. It’s a good central location for heading out to the surrounding countryside for hiking, walking, cycling and other activities. Not to mention the wonderful seaside resorts of Scarborough, Whitby and Filey.

https://www.eastaytonlodgehotel.co.uk

A Dip in the North Sea

We were both a bit nervous about our next experience – Coasteering at Thornwick Bay with Scarborough Surf School. The sport of coasteering is a combination of adventure swimming along sea cliffs, exploring gullies, caves and rock formations created by the sea, traversing the lower-level sea cliffs by foot, above deep water and then finally climbing the cliffs to different jumping locations.

Wetsuits help keep you warm and the fully qualified team are always on hand to help and encourage you if you’re feeling nervous, or like me not a very strong swimmer.

It's an exhilarating activity for all age groups and the location is simply stunning with a good chance of seeing the local wildlife too as puffins, razor bills and gulls inhabit the area.

The team also hold surf lessons and paddle boarding and cater for larger groups too so check out their website and YouTube page for a taste of what you can expect.

Special thanks to Harry and Tori for a fabulous morning!

Exploring the Coast

Thornwick Bay

Exhilarated!

https://scarboroughsurfschool.co.uk

https://www.youtube.com/@scarboroughsurfschool4127

Lunch was at The Farrier; situated between Scarborough and Filey, the village of Cayton is mentioned in the Domesday book as Caitune and there is no doubt it existed for many years prior to 1066.

For more than 200 years the former cottages on the corner of Church Lane and Main Street have been of service to locals and travellers alike. After a 3-year renovation The Farrier is again welcoming guests with accommodation and a fabulous menu.

They have even been featured in an episode of Channel 4’s “Four in a Bed”.

We had the grilled steak and Yorkshire blue cheese and black truffle egg mayo sandwiches which were both delicious and highly recommended.

https://the-farrier.co.uk

Golden Sandy Beaches

We later met up with a friend who lives in the area and spent the afternoon on the 7-mile golden sands beach at Filey, walking up to the café at the Hunmanby Gap. The weather was glorious and perfect for a post lunch stroll, the beach here is without doubt one of the best in the UK.

The Beach at Filey

Catch of the Day

Dinner in the evening was at Café Fish in the centre of Scarborough. What a find this is, the friendly staff made us feel right at home and helped us choose from the extensive sea food menu.

They have a simple philosophy, the best quality fish cooked to order. Being centrally located, the restaurant source the best produce directly from the harbour.

Rachel had the lobster thermidor, and I thoroughly enjoyed the Spanish salmon with chorizo and black pudding, simply delicious.

Catch of the day? Look no further.

Spanish Salmon

Catch of the Day

https://www.cafefish.org

A Hidden Gem

We had enough time on our last day to take a drive to the Hayburn Wyke Inn, just north of Scarborough. From there we took a walk to the Hayburn Wyke waterfall, a secluded cove between Scarborough and Whitby. With a rocky beach and woodland to discover, this hidden gem is the perfect setting for a picnic or a day of exploration.

Hayburn Wyke Cove

The 20 minute or so walk to the waterfall can be a little muddy and steep in places but generally suitable for most people, it’s well signposted and forms part of the Cleveland Way if you’re feeling a bit more adventurous.

It was a glorious day, so we grabbed a bench in the sun and had a quick bite to eat before heading home.

The Hayburn Wyke Inn

Dog Friendly

Excellent Food

https://hayburnwykeinn.co.uk

The Route YC covers 6 different routes around the coast but there are many other locations off the beaten track that are well worth exploring. 3 days was just enough as a taster, but we shall certainly be making plans for a longer trip to explore and experience more.

The Route YC website and app will give you and ideas and inspiration to enjoy Yorkshire’s ultimate road trip or, create your own itinerary, be as adventurous and energetic as you want. Soak up the sun on sandy beaches, explore picturesque villages and enjoy fabulous local food.

Many thanks to the Route YC team for the itinerary and opportunity to explore this beautiful part of the UK, and also to the businesses that hosted us on our trip.

https://www.routeyc.co.uk

https://www.instagram.com/routeyc/

https://www.facebook.com/RouteYC

Mark & Rachel Peru

Free To Be

Follow our Socials @FreeToBe50

https://linktr.ee/freetobe50

Disclaimer:

Ad/PR #GIFTED

This blog features gifted experiences. We are in no way obligated to review all gifts/ads/pr collaborations in a positive light. We will be 100% honest in our blogs about any accommodation, items or experiences that we are gifted. If we experience something that we wouldn’t recommend to a friend, then you won’t find it in our blog content.

Published by Mark Peru in Blog, Travel

Tags: blog, coast, midlife influencers, midlife travel, photography, road trip, route yc, travel, yorkshire

July 18, 2023

Lady Liberté enters the world of burlesque

My 2023 challenge - Learn and perform a burlesque show live on stage

My Body Acceptance Journey

Even I'm surprised I've just performed my first burlesque routine!

You'll often hear me say ‘I would never have done this when i was younger” when it comes to modelling in my lingerie, showing up on social media talking about body confidence, body acceptance and being so publicly visible.

It’s true, I have been on such a confidence building journey over the last 13 years, with lots of wobbles along the way. Mentally, I’m in the best place that I’ve ever been with my body, even though physically there are still a lot of menopausal changes going on. But it will always be work in progress and finding body confidence is never a done deal.

Stepping out of my comfort zone

Every year I like to challenge myself to push myself out of my comfort zone. Last year's challenge was to model nude for a life drawing class which I was obviously nervous about but found liberating. Taking steps out of my comfort zone helps me practice what I preach when it comes to body acceptance.

2023 Challenge

I've been a big fan of Dita Von Teese for years and was over the moon when she shared an image of me wearing her lingerie for a Playful Promises Ageless Fashion campaign on her instagram feed, to millions of her followers back in 2020. After watching Dita perform live on her Glamonatrix tour last year, I was in awe of all the performers proudly celebrating their bodies.

I'm also constantly inspired by the brilliant Judith Vandepeer Delgado @pupindevert who started burlesque later in life and is now a regular in the UK burlesque scene aged 60, proving to any doubters that our age doesn't define us. If you don't already follow her on instagram go and give her a follow as she's just fabulous.

I knew I had to give it a go. This year’s challenge to learn and perform a burlesque routine had been set!

Why Burlesque?

Hands up if you watched the movie "Burlesque" starring Cher and Christina Aguilera with curiosity? The art of burlesque has been around for years with seedy connotations but thankfully films like this and women like Dita Von Teese have made it a much more acceptable and popular art form.

What I loved and started to realise whilst watching Dita’s Glamanatronix show was the pure celebration and self-expression of the performer’s bodies, the mood and purpose was not around sexual gratification for men as I had previously thought. Yes, the performers may decide to strip down to nipple tassels and G-strings, but it felt like it was ‘a fuck it, this is my body’ act of acceptance which I and the audience applauded.

Empowering women

Burlesque is an empowering art form for women, it provides a platform for self-expression, body positivity, and confidence. I’m drawn to burlesque performances because it creates a space for women to reclaim their sexuality and challenge societal norms, promoting the idea that beauty and sensuality come in diverse forms. It allows performers of all ages, shapes, and sizes to embrace their individuality and break free from traditional expectations, fostering a supportive community where empowerment and self-assurance flourish.

That’s what led me down this year’s path, would I be brave enough to stand on stage and do this?

Where do you start?

I had no idea how I was going to even start this challenge as there weren’t any local burlesque classes near me and I was beginning to think this one just wouldn’t happen. That is until a friend I'd met through social media, Jane Wood, who runs a dance school and Fem-Chi classes put a shout out on Instagram. Jane is passionate about helping women that are feeling disconnected from their femininity and sensuality. Helping women tap into their inner confidence and fierceness, to help you regain that lost fire. Jane was a guest on my podcast recently so you can find out all about her here

She was running a 10 week on line burlesque course with the opportunity to perform as a group at the Womanifest in Cheshire this July. Talk about perfect timing! I was already booked as a speaker at this year’s festival, so I just knew I had to sign up. Not only did I sign up but I immediately put my name forward to perform a solo act.

Commitment. Classes, Can I really do it?

Apart from the occasional wedding disco, I haven't properly danced since my drama A Level in 1988, so it’s fair to say it didn’t come naturally. I was actively discouraged by my ballet teacher when I was younger because I did not have the right build for the ballet world (I'm sure I'm not the only person who heard this back in the 1970's).

I began to look forward to the 90-minute sessions each week and even though I struggled with my left and right and some of the moves didn’t come naturally I enjoyed the process. It was fun to learn something completely new, to switch off from the day and focus on something just for me.

Disconnecting from our bodies during the menopause

Like lots of women going through the menopause I have days when I feel disconnected from my body, and this really helped me appreciate my body and all it does for me. The other 6 women in the group were of various ages, mostly a lot younger but there was a common thread of anxiety and fear of expressing our sensuality that bonded us together.

Performance Day

I’ve just had one of the busiest weeks of the year so far which probably didn't help with the nerves leading up to Saturday. It also meant I hadn’t rehearsed as much as I’d hoped to. It even got to the point where I messaged Jane on my way to Cheshire to say I might have to miss out the group routine because I just hadn’t got it in my head. Jane reminded me that this was for fun, an experience to be shared and enjoyed and if a few mistakes were made, then so what? A great reminder not to take ourselves too seriously.

Show Time

The time had come and there was no going back. I did make some mistakes in the group routine but nothing major and I think I got away with it. Funnily enough I was more worried about the group performance because no one would know if things didn’t go to plan in my solo.

It was one of those moments that you have to fully commit and go all in, so I did and once the music started and I was on that stage it felt so liberating and I loved it! Slight hiccup half way through when I was dancing back towards the chair, and I realised my feather boa wasn’t there so I had to completely blag the second part of the routine but that’s show business!!

Freedom to express our sensuality

How often as women, at any age, do we get the chance to freely express our sensuality without fear of judgement? Performing at Womanifest, a women only festival was exactly what I needed. We all have different parts to our personalities, and they all deserve equal spaces to be let free!

I did this for me, and it felt bloody good!

I now have that video as a reminder. If I’m having a bad day and need to boost my confidence I’ll go back and watch it.

Rachel Peru performs her first live burlesque routine on stage

Have you ever been to a burlesque class?

Are you curious?

Just try it, it’s a great way to celebrate and embrace your body ❤️

Will Lady Liberté ever be seen again? Never say never!

Keep being fabulous.

Rachel x

Published by Rachel Peru in Body Confidence

Tags: bebodypositive, body acceptance, body confidence, burlesque, burlesque performance, confidence in midlife, curvesandconfidence, embaceyourbody, finding confidence, inspiringwomen, Lady Liberté, Liberte Free to be, midlife body confidence, midlifewomen, Rachel Peru, womensupportingwomen

July 12, 2023

Believe in Butterflies! (Or: The Evolution of the Self)

I’m not alone in all of this, or am I?

The stories around midlife are becoming more and diverse. I like reading them! I like the information I get, the tips and hacks to help you get through, the comfort of finding out that the ghosts haunting me are quite common and normal for this time in life, this uplifting feeling from hearing or reading about personal success, and most of all the assurance that I’m not alone in all this. Or am I?

I'm very lucky in that I’ve hardly had any age-related physical problems (yet). Some bloating, swollen ankles, sometimes a bit of breathlessness, dryness in certain places and incontinence -I'm familiar with them, but most of them are under control.

Battling the Dementors

However, I'm battling Dementors! I've been struggling with mood swings, dark moods, a feeling of hopelessness. My family is amazing! My husband just gets on with things, leaves me to it and loves me the way I am, sometimes teases me, that I'm always angry anyway (so basically. I'm the Hulk!). My teenage, young adult, sons have been going through hormonal changes themselves, so they sort of know what's going on.

Work Life

My issue is the other big part of my life: WORK! When I'd finished school, my dad told me that I could study anything I liked, but not arts - the one thing that I've always wanted to do! He thought there was no money in arts. So instead, I studied social work, because I felt (and others told me) that I was "good with people". But later, after a couple of jobs, I decided that what I really wanted to do, was to work with children - and so I did.

First in my native Germany with 3 - 6-year-olds, then I had my own children and moved to England. I consider myself very lucky, as I was able to stay at home with my children until they had nearly finished primary school before I had to go back to work to contribute to our income. I continued where I'd left off: started with childminding from home, then started working in a nursery – SNAP! The trap closed!

I like being in control.

This job is my personal mirror that has helped me to find out who really am, in a rather harsh way. Midlife has changed me: I'm not as patient as I used to be, neither as tolerant nor empathetic with others. My mood swings caused a lot of inner frustration, anger, and irritation, then frustration with myself for not being able to control those feelings. (Ahhh, CONTROL! I like being in control)

Knowledge is Power

I was becoming aware that all of these were quite common signs of menopause, and on the background that my niece was developing an app supporting women through menopause. I started asking a lot of questions, I've been reading a lot about the various symptoms, picking up tips, tricks, hacks, and exercises to cope with them. I read up on midlife in general, how it changes women and their way of thinking about themselves, researched different personality types and trades to find out mine, and learned more and more about myself.

So, who am I?

First: I'm a true introvert. I’ve always been happy in my own company, having just a few close friends, and enjoying going to clubs and parties, but usually making sure that I could leave whenever I wanted. I remember leaving family gatherings without an explanation, to go for a walk-in solitude, before returning, ready for another dose of social interaction. When I became a mum, I struggled with having to be completely devoted to these little creatures that now depended on me, with my husband at work and no social network, in a foreign country, having nowhere in space or time to escape to.

Facing the hormonal rollercoaster

So why on earth would I go back into childcare? To generate income - it was what I knew! At least these children would go back to their parents at the end of the day, right? Little did I know then, how the experiences from work would still spin round and round in my head at home in my supposed safe place, causing me to snap at my kids thereby generating mum guilt to add to the load. The hormonal rollercoaster made what had once been a hard but enjoyable joy unbearable.

Everything has since felt intensified: the noise of the children, the "feel good" music in the background. the structure and pace of daily routines. some people's voices. the brightness of the lights. I tried my best to block out what wasn't needed, and to concentrate on one child or a small group at a time, which led to me missing announcements or when colleagues were talking to me. Sometimes, I couldn't even listen to someone who was talking to my face; I would stare at them in concentration. but somehow the words didn't reach my brain. I went for a hearing test, but everything was fine.

Building a mental health toolkit

So, I decided that it must be the mental effects of menopause and started to establish a daily routine: some mild exercise, a walk with the dog in the morning. Practising mindfulness during my dinner breaks, changing my diet (less caffeine, less alcohol, more plant-based food).

I'd write my gratitude journal , after work on the couch (while binge eating sweets, chocolates, and crisps) before falling asleep in front of the television. The things outside the last brackets have become an invaluable help on my journey!

They are some of the tools in my mental health toolbox.

Exploring the medical route

I also tried the medical route. This resulted in one Dr prescribing me anti-depressants over the phone, because I had confirmed to sometimes having "dark thoughts".

I had been asking about a blood test to check my hormone levels, but he just told me "Well, why check them? We already know that your hormone levels are low!". I did pick up the pills, but I never took them. This was not my way of dealing with my problems! The next GP, this time face to face about a year later, had me trying hormone patches, based on what I had told her about the way I was feeling. I stopped using them, because they didn't feel right either (I felt empty, and I started bleeding again, which I'd stopped about two and a half years earlier). However, these experiences were my eye opener!

I am not ill, I don’t need fixing, I’m absolutely fine!

Using my mental health tool kit and the app and following different life coaches and other amazing people on social media. Reading their stories, posts, and lots of empowering quotes, helped established one thing: I am not ill, I don't need fixing, I'm absolutely fine!

I am an introvert and work best on my own; I work best when I'm not being rushed, left to do things at my own pace (slowly but thoroughly); I work with passion when I'm following my own ideas; I am creative, a maker; I'm strong headed, independent, and determined - That's me!

Falling down the comparison trap

That's not bad material for a self-employed power woman, right? So, why am I not?

And now comes the part that I don't really want to write about, because it makes me feel weak, makes me feel like I'm making excuses, makes me feel Inadequate: first, I want financial security! Then, because my job is too fast paced for me, too full of sensual experiences, of changes and things out of my control, too intensely filled with social interaction, I desperately need winding down time. When I'm at work, I use my toolbox to keep my head over water, but it's at home, where I recharge my batteries. That takes time!

Then, I need time to do fun things and be creative. Can you hear my voice go quieter? Because now, my inner life coach is telling me "Well, if you want to get out of this job, you need to do something about it! No pain, no gain!" And I whisper "Yeah, but if I prepare for self-employment, it'll be another thing on my To Do list, another chore! ... and I don't even know which way to go..." and then I shut up, lost, and confused, comparing myself to all these amazing and interesting power women I'm reading about and meeting online; wondering, where I fit in. This is also me!

The chrysalis inside the cocoon!

Who I really am is the chrysalis inside the cocoon!

I am leaving my caterpillar life behind and slowly transforming, in my own time. I'm chaos, inside, not really knowing where I'II be going or what's going on, but not sleeping or standing still. I'm not sure when I’ll hatch, but I'm busy creating, trying new things, meeting new people, and growing ... into a beautiful butterfly!

I believe in Love, Life,

and the Evolution of the Self!

Words by Claudia Stringfellow

Instagram-@claudia.stringfellow

Facebook- @claudiastringfellow

Published by Rachel Peru in Blog, Inspiring Women

Tags: empowering women, finding confidence, midlife, midlife women, midlifewomen, self development, self evolution, selflove, womensupportingwomen

Older Posts ›

An introduction to Flavours Holidays

Meet The Woman Determined to Help us All to Live Longer, Better: Sarah Clough

How a random conversation with a stranger sparked the first steps to becoming the Movement Longevity Coach.

My life after 60

The Alternative

“Sisters Are Doing It for Themselves”

Movement for Longevity: My top tips for living the life you want to live

Find Your Midlife Magic

Keeping it real with Gaynor Faye

The power of sharing stories

Midlife Magic Makeovers

The power of women supporting women

Life after 60

The secret society of women over sixty

First, there is time.

Second, there is indifference.

Third, there is a new level of self-care.

Fourth, there is romance and sexuality.

Fifth, there is the return to creativity.

Liberté Free to Be in conversation with mental health expert, Miranda Arieh.

⁠Miranda Arieh⁠ is an award-winning mental health activist, public speaker and spiritual coach from Leeds, UK.

How Miranda faces her own fears

Here are some of Miranda’s tips on learning how to face our fears and do it anyway, with self-compassion.

Acknowledge the Fear, Take the Leap

The Courageous Act of Letting Go

Navigating Relationships

Boundaries

The Power of Self-Compassion

Rediscovering the Self

Embracing Fear as a Gateway to Triumph

You tried, you did your best and that will always be good enough

By Nikki Butler, The Autistic Joyologist.

When life simultaneously makes sense and falls apart -

The gift of space and grace -

Reconnecting with myself -

RADIATE -

Sharing is caring -

Being bold, brave, and seen! -

I do

Then Life Happened…

Over 50 and facing divorce

Divorce Facts…

YOU Know What Is Best For YOU…

The Route YC – What's on Your Doorstep?

The Scarborough Route

A Dip in the North Sea

Golden Sandy Beaches

Catch of the Day

A Hidden Gem

My 2023 challenge - Learn and perform a burlesque show live on stage

My Body Acceptance Journey

Stepping out of my comfort zone

2023 Challenge

Why Burlesque?

Empowering women

Where do you start?

Commitment. Classes, Can I really do it?

Disconnecting from our bodies during the menopause

Performance Day

Show Time

Freedom to express our sensuality

I’m not alone in all of this, or am I?

Battling the Dementors

Work Life

I like being in control.

Knowledge is Power

So, who am I?

Facing the hormonal rollercoaster

Building a mental health toolkit

Exploring the medical route

I am not ill, I don’t need fixing, I’m absolutely fine!

Falling down the comparison trap

The chrysalis inside the cocoon!

I believe in Love, Life,

and the Evolution of the Self!

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